Deception Unveiled
by Jade-Max
Summary: Jealous of Rio's attraction to her alter ego-Jem, Jerrica's made the decision to tell Rio the truth about herself and Jem…
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Jem and the Holograms are property of Hasbro; this is their sandbox, I'm simply destroying their sand castles

**Title:** Deception Unveiled

**Author:** JadeMax

**Timeframe:** Jem Season 1, Episode 26 (Glitter and Gold)

**Summary:** Jealous of Rio's attraction to her alter ego-Jem, Jerrica's made the decision to tell Rio the truth about herself and Jem…

--

**Deception Unveiled**

Part 1

Kimber, Jerrica's sister, has left with her boyfriend Jeff Wright for a night on the town - never having made the second and unintentional date with Max Connolly for the same timeframe - and Jerrica has resolved to spend the evening with Rio. After Synergy's disaster of a confrontation with hologram Rio, she knows that waiting any longer will just make things worse between them - not better. Her jealousy over Rio's attachment to her alter ego won't fade and the rift between them will only increase the longer she waits.

Determined to set the record straight, she sets the stage. The garden is the most peaceful place in the Starlight Mansion, but the most likely place they'll be left in peace is in Synergy's chamber - none of the foster girls are likely to step in at an inopportune moment and the Holograms will be otherwise occupied. Using Synergy's talents, Jerrica disguises the computer, knowing eventually she'll have to reveal her to Rio, but not until the proper time in their conversation.

Rio, unsuspecting of the upcoming revelation, arrives to find Jerrica waiting for him and is a little shocked when she invites him into the house and upstairs towards her bedroom...

"Jerrica, what's this all about?"

Smiling, Jerrica squeezed his hand and stopped, turning her back to the hologram wall hiding Synergy's room from view. "I have something really important to tell you, Rio, and it's something... something I know you're not going to like."

His eyebrows lifted in surprise. "I highly doubt that."

"It doesn't matter, you need to know anyway."

"I'm listening."

Jerrica cast a look up and down the hall and then stepped backwards towards the wall, never breaking eye contact with Rio. "Do you trust me, Rio?"

"Of course."

"Then close your eyes."

Promptly obeying her command, he waited. Jerrica turned him around in a full circle once and then led him through the wall. The room was half the size it normally was, with another hologram wall shielding Synergy from view. A couch and small table had been set up since Jerrica knew she'd need their support by the end of it. Glasses and a pitcher of water along with a single rose in a vase sat on the table.

"You can open your eyes now."

Rio did - and blinked in surprise. "I don't recognize this room."

"You haven't been everywhere in the Starlight Mansion," she teased lightly. "Besides, this is private and what I have to tell you even more so."

"So tell me."

"I want you to promise something first - that no matter what I have to say you'll at least hear me out, that you won't go storming off or condemn me for it; that you'll let me explain."

"Sweetheart, you're starting to worry me."

"Just promise me."

"I promise."

Jerrica took a deep breath and let it out. "Rio... do you... remember when we were in New York and Eric offered the reward for finding out who Jem was?"

He looked at her strangely. "What does Jem have to do with this?"

A faint smile crossed Jerrica's face. "More than you know. Do you remember?"

"How could I forget?" He paced across the room and then turned back. "You were pretty mad at me for trying to find out Jem's identity - I thought you'd never want to speak to me again."

"There's a reason I took it so personally. You were right, Rio."

"About what?"

Straightening her shoulders, Jerrica braced herself for his reaction. "I _am_ Jem."

Silence descended in the room as Rio stared at her and then chuckled.

"Very funny."

"I'm not joking." Lifting one hand to the jemstar earrings, she looked him squarely in the eye and spoke loud enough for him to hear. "Showtime Synergy."

There was a brief flicker in her appearance before the hologram covered her completely, shifting her from Jerrica - into Jem. Letting her hand drop, she waited silently for Rio's reaction, her heart racing as it leapt into her throat. He was staring at her, an unreadable look on his face. Something flickered to life in his eyes and it was then she noted the clenching of his jaw.

"_This _is your big secret?"

Jem took a step back. His words were low, and stung like a whip, lashing out viciously.

"That my _Jerrica_ is _Jem_? That my dependable, hardworking, _honest_ girlfriend, has been _lying _to me as two different women for almost a year?"

"It's not like that, I-"

"Not like what?" He cut in before she could explain. "You used me, Jem - Jerrica... whoever you are! You _used_ me! You've made a fool of me, played me like an old instrument."

"That's not fair!"

"I hate deception and can't abide liars - and you know it!"

"Then you must hate yourself, Rio Pacheco!" She tossed back at him angrily, incensed by his insensitivity. "You've been lying to me - both of me - since Jem kissed you on the Countess' barge!"

"_She - you_ kissed _me_!"

"And I tried to tell you why but we got interrupted! Not that it's stopped you; you've taken every opportunity to kiss Jem since!"

"As if you tried to stop me!"

"You sure didn't try very hard."

"What are you talking about? I tried to resign and you - _Jerrica _- insisted I stay!"

"What was I going to say? That you can't leave when both of us love you?"

"You played me for a fool, Jem - Jerrica... Who are you anyway?"

"Show's over, Synergy." Jem's hologram facade faded away leaving Jerrica in her place. "I'm the same person I've been, Rio. I'm Jerrica Benton. I'm the manager and producer of Starlight Music; I'm the girl you grew up with and I'm responsible for a dozen girls who depend on me to ensure they have what they need. I'm also Jem, singer and performer, who does what she can to make this world a better place."

"Through deception and lies!"

"Through music and magic!"

"You've deceived me deliberately, Jerrica!"

"Would you have believed me, Rio? Would you that day at the zoo if I'd told you the truth and Jem had appeared on the pathway? Or when we were rescued from the desert island and both of us had to make an appearance? Or when we were filming and I had to be Eric Raymond's call girl? Would you have believed me then?"

"You were both there-"

"Exactly. We _were both there_! Synergy, if you please."

"Of course Jerrica."

"Who's Synergy?"

A hologram of Jem appeared next to Jerrica and Jerrica tilted her head towards it. "Look familiar?"

Jem was dressed in the same ruined dress Jem had been wearing during the rescue off the deserted island. "Hello Rio."

"What nonsense is this?"

"I _am_ Jem, Rio." Jerrica reiterated. Reaching out one hand she made to slap Jem - and her hand passed right through the hologram. "She's nothing but light and color - a hologram."

"But-"

"She's the deception, Rio. Jem is a hologram, just like the one I wear when I perform."

"I've had enough of this."

"You promised me you'd listen!" The hologram of Jem faded away as Rio turned away and Jerrica lunged for him. "You _promised_ Rio!"

"I made a promise to someone I believed was as honest and up front as I was. You're neither of those, Jerrica - you're not the person I thought you were."

"Well neither are you, Rio Pacheco, you've been cheating on me with Jem!"

"I haven't done anything!"

"You kiss her, you hold her and you dance with her - all in front of television camera!" Tears welled in Jerrica's eyes. "Why don't you think Jem's been around, huh? I _am_ Jem! You like her better, you like the deception better than you like me - _me! _- your girlfriend! I was sick of hearing about Jem!"

"Then you deserved it." Rio's tone was angry. "You created this deception, however you do it, and now you'll have to live with the consequences. I quit and I never want to see you - either of you - again!"

"Rio, no!"

"We're through, Jerrica."

"No!" She lunged for him, wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed into his back as tears slid down her cheeks. "Rio, please, try to understand. I didn't want to lie to you; I never meant to, I _tried_ to tell you who I was!"

His hands folded around hers and pulled - but Jerrica had laced her fingers together and wouldn't budge.

"You had every opportunity after the party with the Countess, Jerrica. Before New York you had ample time."

"When? When we were recording so the Holograms could watch you break my heart? Or maybe during the video shoot? Or maybe while we were on that cruise and we got thrown overboard? When, Rio?"

"There's been time in-between all of that and you know it."

"And you know Jem's disappeared in those times and all you've done is ask about her." Jerrica let him go abruptly and stepped back, wrapping her arms around her own waist. "You can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself right now, Rio."

Silence descended in the room - but Rio didn't storm off as he'd been about to. He didn't move, didn't budge, but his hands remained clenched at his sides and his back remained to her.

Jerrica closed her eyes and ducked her head; letting her hair fall forward to hide her face from Rio should he choose to turn. In a low voice, so he wouldn't hear, she spoke to Synergy. "Show him the door, Synergy."

"I do not think your discussion is finished, Jerrica."

"He won't listen; I can't make him." She caught her breath on a sob, strangling the sound with one hand as she fought to keep her composure. Breaking, her whispered words barely passed her lips. "Let him go."

"What is _that_?"

Her head came up and her eyes opened - to find Synergy had been revealed and Rio had been looking at her, but was now distracted. Synergy's image appeared on the screen before Jerrica could protest and began to speak.

"I am Synergy, Rio. A highly advanced computer capable of generating realistic appearing holograms - as you have seen. I was built by Jerrica's father and left to her separate from Starlight Music. Mr. Benton believed Eric Raymond would attempt to control Starlight Music and his rightful heir. I was created to ensure that did not happen."

"But... why the Jem deception?"

"Why not?" Synergy countered levelly. "Who better to save her father's Music Company than Jerrica herself? She and the Holograms had musical talent before becoming a band; Mr. Benton ensured it. You heard them play before, surely it is not news that Jerrica can sing."

"Well no..."

"Then did she deceive you because you were too blind to see the truth or because you wished to be deceived? You identified her correctly as Jem once before and she did not lie to you; I did."

"She didn't admit to it either."

"I had strictly told her not to tell anyone. At the time, it was the correct decision."

"That still doesn't forgive her."

"No, but it explains her actions."

"Synergy!"

"Yes, Jerrica?"

"Jem was my idea, my plan; I did what I did knowingly. That doesn't make it your fault; that makes it mine."

"Your intentions were never to deceive, Rio, Jerrica." Synergy replied calmly. "They were simply to save Starlight House."

"Only because I didn't think about Rio's reaction," returned Jerrica hotly. "I had plenty of time after he kissed Jem for the first time!"

"Jem kissed Rio - and he tried to stop her for fear of hurting you. You are the one who continued to pursue him in both identities."

Jerrica blushed, her anger draining away at the computer's observation. "I did, didn't I?"

"You did." Rio's dry response was accompanied by Synergy's image disappearing and the computer returning to its dormant state. "Is what she said true?"

"It is. I'm sorry Rio, I really did try to tell you. By the time I could, Eric put out that bounty and then you tried to find out on your own..." shaking her head she sighed miserably. "That doesn't excuse what I did despite my intentions; I never wanted to hurt you."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried, at first, and then everything kept interfering and there was never a moment - some moments I didn't want to spoil because they were for just you and me, no Jem." She dropped to the couch dejectedly. "After that, you tried to find out Jem's secret and I didn't know what you meant to do with it and Synergy was afraid if anyone found out about her and her capabilities they'd be put to an evil use. Then, when Starlight started taking off, I figured Jem could disappear into the background and you'd forget about her."

Jerrica sighed, folding her hands in her lap and stared at them, unable to look Rio's way. "All anyone ever talked about was Jem this, and Jem that. I thought about telling you then, but what was the point? Jem could fade away and you would never need to know who she was or where she came from. It wasn't until today that I realized you weren't going to forget her and I… I was scared I'd lose you."

"It would serve you right if I never spoke with you again, Jerrica."

"I know." She closed her eyes against the sting of tears. "I never meant to lie to _you_, Rio. You were supposed to know from the start - but you never would have approved."

"You've got that right. Lying to the world wasn't the way to save your inheritance."

"Wasn't it?" The words were whispered as her eyes opened and a tear slipped down her cheek. "That lie not only saved the company, it saved Starlight house. Synergy gave me hope; she gave me the means to save everything that was important to me. If one lie, a lie that brings so much hope and joy to people and saves the lives of a dozen girls is a horrible thing, then I guess I'm a horrible person. It's just something I had to do."

Rio was silent.

Jerrica covered her face with one hand and waved Rio towards the holographic wall that held the exit. "Just go, Rio."

Soundlessness swept through the room with such abruptness that Jerrica wasn't certain if Rio was still in the room until the echo his footsteps sounded on the floor. She slid both hands over her face, waiting for the sound to die away. They faded, dwindling to nothing as he disappeared and the sob that finally broke through her composure was heart wrenching.

Rio was gone and he hadn't understood.

It was over.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

When Kimber returned later that night, she was greeted by frantic a Anne, Ashley, Ba Nee, Becky, Deirdre, Delaree, JoEllen, Krissie, Lela, Marianne, Nancy and Terri. They shouted various concerns her way, but it was Ashley's "Kimber, we can't find Jerrica!" that caught her attention.

"What do you mean you can't find Jerrica?"

"We looked everywhere. She's not here - and she didn't leave with Rio earlier."

"Did you ask Shana or Aja?"

"Jerrica told us not to disturb Shana because she's working and Aja left to get groceries. We looked for Jem, but she's not in her room either and Jerrica was supposed to sit with us to watch the movie but Ba Nee refuses to start it until Jerrica makes popcorn!"

"That's not like Jerrica. Ashley, you go ahead and start the popcorn. The rest of you settle in and start the movie - I'll find Jerrica."

The girls dispersed, heading towards the living room of the Starlight Mansion as Kimber climbed the stairs to the upper level. Passing Jerrica's room, she headed for the holographic wall which separated Synergy from the rest of the house. It was the one place the girls wouldn't know to look and the one place Jerrica could go to be alone.

Muffled sobbing caught Kimber's attention the moment she entered Synergy's chamber. "Jerrica?"

"Kimber!" Jerrica straightened in surprise before hunching over the pillow she was hugging once more.

"Jerrica!" Kimber darted to her older sister's side and knelt next to the couch. "What happened, are you alright?"

Tears continued to trace already well defined furrows over Jerrica's cheeks as she shook her head miserably. "I'd like to be alone, Kimber."

"I gathered that. The girls are worried about you - you were supposed to be watching a movie with them tonight. They almost tackled me when I got home from my date."

Jerrica's composure failed and she hugged the pillow to her chest, burying her face in the top as another sob escaped from between her lips.

"Oh no - does this have to do with Rio? The girls said he left without you earlier."

Rocking back and forth, Jerrica gripped the pillow harder, hugging it with all of her might as she fought to answer but couldn't.

Synergy appeared floating above the couch. "She revealed her dual identity to Rio, Kimber. He did not take it well."

"You told him you're Jem?"

Jerrica nodded.

"Oh, sis!" Kimber settled next to Jerrica and put her arms around her, hugging her tightly.

Abandoning the pillow, Jerrica leaned in to clutch Kimber in an almost death grip. "He.. he said..." Her voice broke on the words, unable to relay the horrible conversation to Kimber.

Synergy, however, didn't appear to have that issue. "Rio did not appreciate the deception, Kimber. He stated that Jerrica was not the person he believed her to be, that he quit and would no longer help her with the charade."

"What?!" Kimber looked at Synergy incredulously. "But... we need Rio! He's as much a part of Starlight Music - and Jem and the Holograms – as… as you are!"

"He do-doesn't care."

"So because you neglected to tell him you're Jem, he's not going to honor his contract to Starlight Music?"

"It is not that simple."

"Yes it is," Kimber informed Synergy promptly. "Rio's the head engineer for all of our shows. He does most of the set up, knows all of our effects and our style. We can't be Jem and the Holograms without him!"

"I don't want to be Jem!" Pushing out of her sister's arms, Jerrica sat back and away. "Jem is finished!"

"Jem is the best chance we have to keep the Starlight foundation in the money," returned Kimber hotly. "You know it, we all do, it's why we started doing this to begin with. Starlight Music can't support this mansion without a headliner and Jem and the Holograms are our trademark!"

"Jem is finished."

"You can't quit now!" Kimber's tone turned pleading. "We almost have enough money in the bank to take in another bunch of girls and hire more help!"

"We don't need more help and we don't need Rio."

Jumping to her feet, Kimber pointed an accusing finger at her sister. "We do so and you know it! Just because he hurt you doesn't mean he has the right to walk out on the rest of us. He can't honestly think we'd let him walk away from the Starlight Foundation, does he?"

"He's gone, Kimber." Jerrica's voice broke and her momentary anger dissolved as her posture hunched forward again, tears welling in her eyes. Her voice dropped into a desolated whisper. "He's gone."

"Maybe he won't talk to you, but he can sure talk to me!"

"Kimber, no!"

"Then you talk to him - tell him he has to at least finish out his contract."

"I..." Jerrica's throat closed and she shook her head.

"Then as co-owner of Starlight Music, I will!"

"Please don't, Kimber!"

Kimber ignored her sister's tearful plea and turned to Synergy. "Keep an eye on her, will you?"

"Of course."

Kimber walked straight back into the house, stopping only to tell the girls - who were entrenched watching their movie - that she'd found Jerrica but she wasn't feeling well and they weren't to disturb her. The girls chorused that they'd behave as Kimber told them strictly that she'd be back as soon as she'd found Rio. If they needed anything they were to ask Shana or wait until Aja had returned.

Hopping into the Rockin' Roadster, she peeled out of the driveway headed for Rio's.

--

Rio's car wasn't anywhere near his parking spot when Kimber arrived and she slowed, chewing on her lip as she tried to figure out where he might have gone. Jerrica and Rio had been inseparable for almost as long as Kimber could remember and had a lot of the same interests. But where would he have gone? Jerrica had taken refuge in the only room where people wouldn't find her. Would Rio have done the same?

Somehow she doubted it. If she knew Rio, and she believed she knew him pretty well from how often he was around, he'd be fuming mad - but hurt. He'd go some place private, but some place where he could work off his frustrations.

An idea hit her and Kimber snapped her fingers - inspired - before spinning the Roadster into a "U" turn and racing off towards Starlight Music. Rio had keys to the basement where he kept his things - many _heavy_ things that would work well for working off his frustrations.

In no time at all, she was pulling up in front of Starlight Music. Using Jerrica's prerogatives, she parked the Roadster and jumped out, leaving it on the street as she raced for the front door. A smile and wave at the security guard and she had what she wanted. "Is Rio around?"

"In the basement, Miss Benton. Said he had some things to move around."

Bingo.

"Thank Mick!" Kimber headed for the elevator and hopped inside, hitting the lowest floor of the complex.

As the doors opened there was little doubt as to where she'd find Rio. There was no music playing, but there was only one storage room with a light on - and the sound of someone grunting as they attempted to move something was clearly audible. Taking a deep breath, she walked carefully down the corridor, ensuring she didn't announce her presence.

Thinking about how she'd left Jerrica - and the state her sister was in - brought an immediate surge of anger she projected into her voice as she stepped into the doorway and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're a heartless, self centered, narrow minded jerk, Rio Pacheco!"

Her jerked upright as if she'd slapped him, spinning to face her in surprise. "Kimber?"

"That's right, Kimber. How _dare_ you treat my sister this way!"

Rio's own gaze narrowed on her, his expression turning stormy. "Stay out of it, Kimber."

"No!" She advanced on him, clenching her fists as if to take a swing. "You hurt Jerrica Rio; you promised my father you wouldn't!"

"She hurt me first!"

"By what?"

"That's... that's between Jerrica and I."

For a brief moment she was proud of him. Even angry he wouldn't reveal Jerrica's secret - not even to her sister. Still, it was _her_ sister, not his, that was lying at home curled up on the couch crying her eyes out. It was _her_ sister that had done everything she could to protect the trust her father had left her. Everything she could and won. It was _her_ sister that had ensured Kimber had a place to sleep, compose and play. It was _her_ sister who ensured the Starlight girls had a home.

And it was Jerrica _and_ Jem who'd made sure Rio had a job!

"Not when I come home to find her sobbing her heart out!" Kimber snapped the accusation hotly, slamming her index finger into the center of his chest. "How can you be so... so _selfish_ Rio?

"Me? I'm the one she's been lying to for the last year!"

"Why, because she's Jem?"

"You know." His tone cooled considerably.

Kimber poked him in the chest again. "I know. I've known from the start and it was never _about you_!"

"It sure affected me!"

"Why, because you like both Jerrica and Jem? Ever think it was because some part of you _knew_ they were the same person?"

Rio grasped her hand and threw it away; turning back to the crate he'd been trying to move. "Go home, Kimber."

"I'm not leaving until you understand why she did what she did."

"She made a fool of me; she used me - how can you explain that?"

"Jerrica was only thinking about the Starlight girls when she chose to become Jem - not what it would mean for you. She hates deception and lies as much as you do!"

"She's been living one!"

"Only because once it started explaining where Jem came from would put Synergy at risk! You know computers and equipment, Rio, don't tell me that you don't understand the kind of risk someone like Eric Raymond would be if he knew about her."

He didn't turn as he bent to the side of the crate. "So what? I'm _not_ Eric Raymond. She should have told me."

"And she did!"

"Almost a year later."

"So what? Jem was never about you, Rio! You were never supposed to like Jem the way you did Jerrica. You were supposed to be her manager - not her lover!"

"I don't love Jem!" Whirling, he took a step towards her, his voice echoing off the walls.

"You do!" Kimber slapped both hands on his chest and with surprising force pushed him backwards. "You love her as much as you love my sister all because _she is _Jerrica! The same Jerrica you grew up with, the same Jerrica who followed you around; _the same Jerrica_ who did the only thing she could to save the Starlight foundation. If she hadn't become Jem, all of those girls - every last one of them - would have been shipped off to other foster homes!"

"She shouldn't have lied to me."

"No," Kimber calmed, dropping her hands and stepping back. "No she shouldn't, but Synergy was very specific; we couldn't tell anyone, even you, about her. Jerrica wanted to, Rio. She wanted to more than you know - I heard her arguing with Synergy about it. Until today, she's been adamant."

"Then why now?"

"Because Jerrica refuses to become Jem."

"She had no problem earlier today."

"Only because you needed proof you big dunce. If she hadn't, you never would have believed her. You've seen both Jem and Jerrica at the same place too many times to believe her otherwise. Synergy knows what you mean to Jerrica, Rio, it's why she finally agreed that you should know about her." At least, that's why Kimber _thought_ Synergy had agreed to it. There was likely something more behind it, but that she was able to get Rio talking about it at all was something of a miracle. "Jem was a way to save those girls, to give them a home. You're a part of that - a big part - and Jerrica belongs with you."

Rio shook his head. "I won't stand being lied to, Kimber. She knew that before your father died, and she knew it when she took up being Jem. What she's done is... is unforgiveable."

"Then I suppose it's going to be awkward when you have to handle the recording equipment."

"I quit."

"You can't." Kimber's smile was almost angelic in its viper-like charm. "I've seen your contract; you're bonded to us for another year at least unless you can give something concrete to the union as to why you can't work with us. Even when you're this angry at her, I can't see you revealing Jerrica's secret."

Silence descended in the room as Kimber smiled sweetly. "Enjoy moving everything around down here, Rio. We'll see you in the recording studio."

Breezing out of the room, Kimber headed for the elevator. Now, all she had to do was convince Jerrica to revive Jem to throw the two of them together and maybe, just maybe, she could get them to talk through their differences. Behind her, there was the sound of something hitting the floor with a crash as Rio took out his frustrations on the boxes and their contents.

Kimber glanced back to see Rio watching her as the doors to the elevator slid shut. She blew him a kiss, noting his surprised look before the doors closed. Hitting the main floor button, she headed once more for the Roadster and home.

Jerrica needed her.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Shana was waiting for Kimber when she returned to the Starlight Mansion, her expression concerned. "Is Jerrica with you?"

Kimber made a face. "No. She's in..." she stopped, looking beyond Shana to the faces that peaked out from the top of the stairs. "She was in her room when I left. God to bed, girls, everything's alright."

The foster girls exchanged looks but didn't seem convinced. A motion from Shana sent back around the corner. The Hologram's drummer planted her hands on her hips. "Jerrica won't be impressed to find all of you awake - which means..."

"No trip!" Deirdre's horrified whispered carried to Kimber and Shana and the sound of running feet and doors closing quickly echoed back to them.

Shana laughed. "That's one way to get them to bed. Now, where is Jerrica really?"

"When I left she was in Synergy's room." Kimber dropped her tone. "Is Aja home yet?"

"She's in the kitchen putting the groceries away. We didn't figure we needed to wake Mrs. Bailey."

"Then we'd better talk - there's something you guys need to know."

Heading for the kitchen, they found Aja in the panty on a stool, putting some of the dry goods up high. Kimber knocked on the door so not to startle her. Aja turned her head with a smile. "There you are. We were starting to wonder if Jeff was going to bring you home at all tonight!"

Kimber blushed. "I wish that's where I was."

Aja arched her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Kimber glanced back towards the rest of the house and then met each of the other hologram's eyes. "We have a problem."

"Tell me something I don't know." Aja hopped off the stool, reaching for more of the groceries. "Who knew girls would eat so much!"

Shana and Kimber shared a look. "Have you seen Jerrica, Aja?"

"I figured she was watching that movie with the girls. I heard them laughing when I came in."

Kimber shook her head. "Jerrica's in Synergy's room - unless she's gone back to her room by now - which I doubt."

Shana leaned against the door jamb. "There's nothing unusual about that."

"Jerrica told Rio about Jem, you guys! When I found her she was curled up on the couch crying her eyes out!"

"What?!"

Kimber _almost _smiled at the near identical incredulous expressions on her foster sister's faces. "She told Rio everything and he didn't take it well."

"Well no kidding!" Aja settled onto the stool she'd been using. "What happened?"

"I don't have a whole picture yet," Kimber admitted, blushing slightly. "I only know what Jerrica told me when I found her and what I've been able to figure out from talking to Rio."

"You spoke with Rio?"

"Lectured him is more like it. But he deserved it - he made Jerrica cry!"

Shana placed a hand on Kimber's shoulder. "Deserving or not, Rio's probably hurting as much as Jerrica is, Kimber. Both women he cared about lied to him - about being different sides of the same woman."

"But-"

"Shana's right. We shouldn't interfere."

"You're both wrong! I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Kimber stepped back from the both to give them a hard stare. "Jerrica needs our support and without Rio, Jem and the Holograms are through!"

"Jem and the Holograms are already finished, Kimber." Shana sighed. "Jerrica's refused to change into Jem for a while now. Without her, there's no band and you know as well as we do that after this fight with Rio, she's even less likely to change into Jem again!"

"No." Kimber shook her head vehemently. "Rio's got a contract just like the rest of us. Just because Jerrica's hurting, it doesn't-"

"We can't make her sing." Aja cut her off.

"I think it's more than just hurt," Shana informed Kimber with a sad smile. "She loved Rio, Kimber - really loved him. She probably always will."

"I know, but hiding won't accomplish anything. There has to be something we can do!"

"Like what?" Aja pushed to her feet. "We can't make Rio see that Jem was never intended to deceive him."

"He's just sore because Jerrica didn't tell him right away," Kimber backed into the island and with a hop, sat on the top. "He's too honorable to walk out on a contract and he wasn't even going to tell _me_ about Jerrica being Jem, so he can't break it either without revealing why he wants to. Rio has to help Jem and the Holograms or he gets nothing."

"We can't force him, Kimber."

"It would serve him right." Kimber crossed her arms over her chest. "Come on, Shana, you're telling me that you - either of you - wouldn't like to give him a piece of your mind right now?"

"You've already done that," Aja told her with a small laugh. "I don't see how either of us going to see him is going to make things better. Give them time; they'll come around."

"But the Glitter and Gold contest starts soon!"

"I think we'll just have to sit this one out."

"The Misfits will win then," Kimber sighed. "If we could just get Jerrica to sing again, to become Jem, I _know_ it would help her feel better and we'd have a shot at winning the contest."

"I'm going to go check on her," Shana turned for the door. "She needs her friends right now more than she needs to get up in front of a crowd."

"Shana's right, Kimber. Jerrica has her reasons for not wanting to become Jem. We can't make her."

"But... but..."

"Ah ah." Aja waggled one finger at her. "As a song writer you know that inspiration is required to pursue what you want. Jerrica's inspiration to sing has all but disappeared and this fight with Rio isn't going to bring it back."

"She's not the only one in the band!"

"No, but she _is _the lead singer," Aja pushed back to her feet. "Without her we can't perform."

"But we're supposed to be a team, a group that decides things together."

"And we are."

"No we're not, Jerrica just up and decided one day to let Jem slip into obscurity because she didn't like the way Rio acts with her, never mind that Jem is really Jerrica! She threw away everything because she was jealous and she certainly didn't ask us about it!"

"Kimber!"

Kimber slapped both hands over her mouth. "I didn't mean it."

Aja gripped Kimber's shoulders in her hands. "Tempers and emotions are high tonight. Let's talk about this later, okay?"

Kimber's shoulder slumped and she nodded. "You're right, Aja. I'm sorry."

Aja squeezed once before letting her go. "I'm going to go check on Jerrica. You should get some sleep."

As Aja disappeared out of the room, Kimber slid off the island. Alone in the kitchen, she surveyed the mess Aja had left. Shaking her head, she set about finishing the task Aja had started and let her sister in their capable hands.

--

Shana entered Synergy's chamber silently, looking around instead of announcing her presence and quickly spied what Kimber had suspected.

Jerrica was curled up into a ball, her face lined with drying tears, her death grip on the pillow in her arms whitening her knuckles. The even rise and fall of her chest was interspersed with soft moans of denial and, even as Shana watched, Jerrica pleaded for Rio to stay, her voice breaking as tears leaked from beneath closed eyelids.

Moving to the side of the couch, Shana placed one hand on Jerrica's shoulder and shook. "Jerrica."

"No, Rio, no! Don't go!"

"_Jerrica_."

Waking with a start, glazed eyes stared at Shana, not comprehending who she was seeing or her surroundings. It took several moments for her to identify her foster sister. She'd already gathered herself to explain when the compassion and empathy in Shana's eyes caught up with her sleep fogged brain. "You know."

"Kimber told us."

Jerrica turned her face away. "It's over, Shana. He's gone."

Shana winced at how hollow her foster sister's voice sounded and she knelt without thinking. "Are you so sure about that?"

"You didn't see his face," Jerrica's voice broke and another tear slipped down one swollen cheek. "He meant it; every word."

"Rio's just hurt right now, Jerrica. When he's had time to cool down..."

Jerrica was already shaking her head as she pulled the pillow to her chest and hugged it tight. "I did the unthinkable and I lied to him. Not once, but continuously, Shana. Every time I was Jem and saw him, every time he asked me where she was, or when she was coming – I was living a lie and he didn't know."

"Only because it was the only way to save the Starlight girls when Eric got his hands on Starlight Music; once Rio's calmed down, he'll understand."

"He won't."

"Rio loves you, Jerrica; he has since you guys were teenagers." Shana reached out to squeeze Jerrica's hands. "Kimber told us she tracked him down."

"She didn't!" Jerrica buried her face in the pillow. "No, no, no, she'll only make it worse."

"She was trying to help and she only did what all of us wanted to do when we heard. Rio's over reacting, Jerrica; he needs time to understand that this was never about him."

"I should have told him, Shana. I should have told him that first day like I tried to and I couldn't. The longer it went on, the harder it got and I knew he'd take it badly I just..." she lifted her head, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I never thought he'd take it that hard. He'd gone, Shana. Rio's really gone..."

Squeezing Jerrica's hands, Shana had to offer the shred of hope that Kimber had provided. "He's not gone – and he won't expose you."

"You can't know that."

"No matter how upset Rio is, Jerrica, he still cares. He wouldn't hurt so badly if he didn't love you. When Kimber went after him, he wouldn't give up your secret to her and if he wouldn't tell your own sister, he won't tell anyone else."

"He'll never talk to me again, so what does it matter?"

"Rio is Jem's road manager and the sound expert at Starlight Music – which you run, Jerrica. It means he has to talk to you, if only for business. He'll have to interact professionally with Jem and if he wants to keep your secret he'll need to act normal."

"I should let him go, Shana." Jerrica brushed a hand across her eyes, but it didn't so much as dent the stream of tears sliding down her cheeks. "He doesn't deserve to be trapped in a job that will force him to live a lie. I knew before I found Synergy his feelings on deception and lies; releasing him from his contract would be the right thing to do."

"I disagree, Jerrica." Synergy appeared before them, a concerned look on her holographic image. "Your father had nothing but the utmost respect for Rio and he someday hoped the two of you would run Starlight Music as you have been – together. Rio's reaction was extreme because of the circumstance, possibly made worse because he suspected the truth and chose not to address it with you."

Jerrica hung her head. "He did address it, Synergy, remember? We were at the zoo and he asked me if Jem and I were the same person. I lied to his face that day – blatantly, deliberately-"

"You did not lie." Synergy cut her off unexpectedly. "You asked me to project a hologram of Jem and requested he repeat his question – you did not answer it directly."

"A lie by omission is still a lie." Clutching Shana's hands for support, Jerrica drew strength from the contact. "And I let him apologize for being right. I should have told him then."

"He might have exposed you," Synergy reasoned. "You did not know at the time for what purpose he was seeking to discover Jem's identity."

"I should have trusted him, Synergy."

"Nothing will be solved by logic circles. Perhaps it would be wise for you to retire."

"I'd rather not-"

Shana cut Jerrica off by climbing to her feet – and pulling the head of Starlight Music with her. "What you want and what you're getting are two different things, Jerrica. Come on; Synergy's right. The girls will worry about you if you hide out in here and nothing will be gained by not sleeping. We'll figure out what to do about Rio in the morning – after we've all had a chance to sleep on it."

Jerrica, to her credit, knew when not to protest. The only thing she wouldn't relinquish was the cushion she held clutched under one arm; it had given her comfort and she knew it would again. Tonight was going to be a long night.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Shana forced Jerrica to move from Synergy's chamber, careful to make as little noise as possible to avoid alerting the girls. Aja joined them and they made her room uneventfully and in unspoken agreement Shana and the silent Aja left her alone. Jerrica leaned against the door for support before taking a moment to change into her PJs before slipping into bed. Hugging her pillow to her chest as she fought against the ache in her throat, she closed her eyes and succumbed to the exhaustion that was a direct result of the drain - mental, physical and emotional - of the last twelve hours.

Morning came too swiftly, but thankfully her dreams weren't plagued with nightmares - only what might have been... and in some ways it had been its own breed of nightmare.

"Jerrica?"

"Come-" she coughed, clearing her scratchy feeling throat before trying again. "Come in, Kimber."

Kimber stuck her head around the door. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Better than I thought I would."

"Good." Kimber stepped inside and closed the door behind her. "I hate to bring this up, but you have an appointment for a posting in the Glitter and Gold contest this morning, remember?"

Jerrica threw back her covers with a glance at the clock. "Is everyone ready?"

"Are you okay to go?"

"Does it matter? Okay or not, I'm their Manager and I have to be there if we're going to try and market this trio against the Misfits."

"They can't win."

"Kimber!"

"What? They can't - you're just wasting their time and yours if you do this."

"You can't know that."

"The Misfits have Eric in their corner and no band Starlight Music has signed since Jem and the Holograms have come anywhere near their popularity."

"Jem is finished," Jerrica's sharp insistence was muffled as she dressed, pulling on the pant suit she was intending to wear to the signing. "Just drop it Kimber and let's get this over with."

Kimber fell silent, stewing as she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her sister. She wanted to say more, to fight for the band, but Jerrica's expression held a fragility that hadn't been there before. Her sister was fighting heartbreak and struggling to continue with life while dealing with it at the same time. A night wouldn't be enough to grieve and Jerrica, even if she needed it, wasn't about to let Eric Raymond simply walk off with the Glitter and Gold title no matter how much of a mess her personal life was.

Still, Kimber couldn't believe how blind Jerrica was being; Jem and the Holograms were the only band on the market who even remotely rivaled the Misfits for popularity. The 5th Avenue Boys were going to get crushed is Jerrica put them up against the Misfits.

Following Jerrica out of her bedroom, Kimber was joined by Aja and Shana, a silent trio to follow Jerrica out to the car. Kimber slid behind the wheel reluctantly, and put it into gear, heading for Discovery Records where they were supposed to be meeting with Mr. Beech - while they drove, the trio remained silent. Jerrica sat beside Kimber, staring out into the streets in her own world. When a tear escaped down one cheek, Aja, Shana and Kimber exchanged looks.

Somehow, Jerrica was holding herself together, except the thin veneer of composure wasn't one she'd be able to maintain for long.

Kimber accelerated, speeding beyond the limit as she strove to get to Discovery Records more quickly than usual as a courtesy to her sister. Once inside, they might be able to convince Jerrica to consider giving Jem another go - it wasn't like she had anything to lose at that point anyway. With Rio's defection, it meant Jem could end up being a much needed escape. Sure, Rio knew the truth, but to avoid casting suspicion upon Jem, he'd have to be the same loyal and solicitous road manager he'd been from the start.

Fortunately he wasn't expected to be at the meeting with Mr. Beech.

Arriving, the Holograms gave Jerrica a change to compose herself before entering - and by unspoken agreement began trying to convince her one last time as they headed for the back where they'd been told they could find Mr. Beech.

"Jerrica please, reconsider." Kimber begged.

"We're the only one's who can compete with the Misfits," added Shana.

Aja, however, added the kicker as they lifted the curtain to check back stage of the Glitter and Gold contest set. "Rio's mad at you anyway, what have you got to lose?"

Jerrica's shoulders slumped, her head bowing as she considered their words. None of the three could see her face, but they did note the way she shook. Jerrica was fighting for control. When she finally spoke, her voice was choked - even as her words gave them hope. "But... it's so late now-"

"Owen baby!" The slick tone of one Eric Raymond cut her off, drawing their attention back the way they'd come.

Mr. Beech's answer was cordial. "Mr. Raymond."

"Have you picked our competition yet?"

Pizzaz's arrogant question had the holograms exchanging looks - and they noted how Jerrica's spine straightened at the sound of her primary rival's voice. Jem and Jerrica had never been one to step down from a fight with the spunky leader of the Misfits.

Mr. Beech's reply drifted back to them. "Well, I'm considering the 5th Avenue Boys. Jerrica Benton's on her way here to discuss it."

"Ha!" The derogatory scoff couldn't be anyone but Pizzaz - and was confirmed by her next confident statement. "You may as well give us the prizes now."

Roxy's agreement was just as arrogant. "Those boys don't stand a chance against us."

"Maybe Eric should offer them a contract," Stormer suggested helpfully.

Eric, never one to be left out, simply smiled. "They'll come begging to me after Jerrica ruins their careers... the way she did Jem's."

The holograms peeked out to find the Misfits and their cocky producer encircling Mr. Beech - but it was Eric's derogatory statement about Jerrica that spurred the heartbroken leader of the Holograms into action. Eric had tried to bully, threaten and blackmail them all at one point or another and she wasn't about to let him win anything. She'd been unwilling to let him keep Starlight Music, and she wasn't about to let him believe that she was unable to keep a headliner.

Jem and the Holograms were about to make a comeback with a vengeance.

"That does it." Incensed, Jerrica moved out of view, missing the delighted looked the holograms exchanged as she spoke the words they'd been waiting to hear since Jem's last appearance. "Showtime Synergy!"

Kimber hugged Aja as Jerrica glowed and Synergy's energy encompassed her sister, fairly brimming with excitement. Jerrica's transformation was immediate - and it gave her a new focus beyond Rio. Just what she needed. Aja returned the hug as Shana and she grinned delightedly.

Jem and the Holograms were back!

As the light faded around Jerrica, leaving a confident and determined Jem in her place, the Holograms swarmed her with a group hug. Silent in their approval, they included her in their smile. Jem inclined her head, as if to acknowledge their support, and stepped towards the curtain. Rio's involvement would be considered later, when they had to cut the album she was about to promise to Mr. Beech, right now it was the smug smile on Eric Raymond's face she intended to wipe off.

Stepping out, she planted her feet - in designer pink pumps - firmly, taking a no nonsense stance. "Mr. Beech?"

"Jem!"

"Jem?!" The incredulous looks that replaced the confident masks on the Misfit's and Eric's faces was worth the sudden revival.

Ignoring the rival band, Jem concentrated instead on the owner of Discovery Records. "If we can guarantee a new Jem and the Holograms record in time for the contest, will you put our name up there?" She motioned to the score board where the Misfit's name was still hanging almost ominously single above the Glitter and Gold Roadster.

"You guarantee delivery?"

"Absolutely," Jem told him firmly.

Mr. Beech's eyes gleamed delightedly, like a kid in a candy store. This was the kind of competition he'd wanted from the start. "The contest is on!" Taking Jem's hand in both of his, he shook it enthusiastically.

Jem returned the handshake and Kimber punched her fist in the air. "Outrageous!"

The Holograms laughed as the Misfits and Eric silently stewed and Jem made their excuses. "If you'll excuse us, Mr. Beech? We'll need to get started on that album right away."

"Of course, of course."

The quartet left the steaming Misfits behind, Pizzaz's, "Eric do something!" lending a bounce to their step.

High energy arced between the band members as Kimber jumped enthusiastically into their car , waiting only until the others were seated, before gunning the engine. "I've got so many ideas for new songs - and nothing like what we've done before either!"

With the volume climbing inside the car as Aja, Shana and Kimber threw ideas back and forth, none of them noticed how Jem - who had yet to dissolve back into Jerrica - remained silent. The hologram of Jem was complete, masking Jerrica's inner turmoil in ways nothing else would ever be able to. As they neared Starlight music and the Holograms' excited chatter washed over her, Jem's posture changed.

Tension wracked her frame, tightening her shoulders and making her heart pound in her temples. Rio would be at work, not waiting for them to show - he likely believed Jem was finished - but doing the rest of the duties his contact stipulated. Just the thought of seeing Rio, the knowledge that he _wouldn't_ be happy to see her as he had in the past, was enough to made her nervous.

Somehow, Jem would have to maintain her composure or risk blowing her cover as Jerrica to the rest of the Starlight music staff. Fortunately, she'd had plenty of practice since becoming Jem at detaching herself from Jerrica's emotions - practice she put to good use now. Taking a deep breath, she looked at her reflection in the side mirror of the car and smiled.

Jem was back. _Jem_ didn't have to worry about Rio because he wasn't anything except her manager. _Jem_ would breeze through their recording session with flying colors because Jem wasn't heartbroken.

It was the silent mantra she repeated to herself as Kimber pulled up in front of Starlight Music and killed the engine. Hopefully if she told herself often enough, she might actually begin to believe it and it would allow her to separate Jem from Jerrica once and for all. If not, they were in for a long afternoon and an even longer weekend.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Starlight Music was the same as the last time Jerrica had come in - except she wasn't there as Jerrica today and everyone she passed exclaimed with delight at seeing Jem. A part of her had missed this - the recognition and instant respect people had for the popular personae she wore simply because of her charity work. And her talent, of course, but that talent wasn't limited to Jem alone. Passing through the hallways she shook hands and exchanged smiles with people who saw her everyday as Jerrica and didn't give her a second glance. It was amusing on some level, but all the more nerve wracking.

Kimber pushed open the door to the recording studio Jem used almost exclusively - it was where they'd left copies of their instruments the last time they'd recorded an album... and that had been far too long ago. Rio, to their surprise, was down on one knee in front of the equalizer in the sound studio adjacent - with the door open. He turned at the sound of the door opening - and froze.

Jem stepped in - her gaze drawn immediately to the crouching figure, and nearly tripped over the door jamb. Aja and Shana's quick action saved her from taking a nose dive. Jem and Rio stared at one another for half a second before Jem seemed to shake herself and found a smile. "Rio."

His gaze narrowed for a fraction of a second as he rose to his feet, before a blank expression covered his features. "Jem. I see you're back."

Taking a deep breath, Jem glanced at her friends for support before stepping further into the room. "We just came from speaking with Mr. Beech - we're going up against the Misfits in the Glitter and Gold competition. We're going to have to cut a new album for it."

Rio crossed his arms over his chest. "Cutting it a little close, aren't you?"

"A little," she agreed. "Will you help us?"

His gaze moved beyond her to where the Holograms stood watching in silence, looking straight at Kimber. "I'll do my job. We'd better get started if we're going to make that deadline."

"Wait." Jem looked back to the Holograms. "We need more than a new album."

"Something to grab attention," Kimber agreed.

"New clothes," added Shana with a grin.

"A whole new look!" Aja finished knowingly, looking at Jem with a smile. The other Holograms nodded.

Jem agreed. "The Glitter and Gold look!"

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Kimber wanted to know, pulling up one of the chairs in the studio as she pulled a pen and paper from her pocket. Shana followed her lead, pulling up another stool near the production room and using her drums as a background for her sketch pad - the blank one she'd left behind the drum set the last time they'd been there. Aja laughed, picking up her guitar and jumping straight into a riff.

Jem shook her head and turned from her friends only to meet Rio's gaze once more. He hadn't moved much - instead of standing in front of the panel, he was now in the doorway of the recording room, leaning against the jamb with his arms crossed - as he watched her with an unreadable expression on his face. The hurt in his gaze was clear, as was the anger she'd seen the day before and she lost her nerve before thinking of an excuse to talk with him.

Turning from the room, she exited into the hallway. Glancing left and right, she ducked into one of the supply closets. "Show's over, Synergy."

The hologram faded, leaving Jerrica in the business suit she'd been wearing to see Mr. Beech. Leaving the closet inconspicuously, she headed for her office. There was paperwork to do, promotions to set up, interviews to schedule and a multitude of other responsibilities to immerse herself in. All things that would - hopefully - take her mind off Rio.

Unfortunately, Rio didn't seem to have the same kind of compulsion to avoid her that drove her to find the sanctuary of her office. She'd only begun her paperwork when the familiar knock sounded on her door. Her head came up as the door cracked and she dropped her pen in surprise.

"Jerrica?"

"R-Rio?" Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. "Come in."

His handsome face appeared around the door, that same, unreadable look he'd been wearing as she'd left the studio on his face - except this time it was accompanied with a shuttered look in his eyes. Nothing except his rigid posture gave away what he was feeling - and Jerrica had never had a problem determining when Rio was angry. It didn't happen often, but when it did he could be one of the most intimidating people she knew.

"I'll make this quick," he told her shortly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. He leaned against it, as if reluctant to be any closer to her than necessary. "How do we handle this?"

"Which part?" Jerrica asked carefully, struggling to maintain her composure. She hadn't been awkward around Rio even as a child and the distance between them seemed thoroughly unnatural. He'd been her best friend before he'd been her boyfriend and while they'd been inseparable as children, the gulf between them was suddenly seemed insurmountable.

"You being Jem."

Turning in her chair, Jerrica avoided his gaze to look out the massive windows of her office - she couldn't look at him. "You... don't have to help us make the record, Rio."

The silence that greeted her soft concession was, in some ways, more disturbing than anything he could have said and her heart sank. The Rio she'd known would never take the out she was offering - but even as she'd offered it, she knew she was sinking their chances at winning the Glitter and Gold competition. Rio was the best recording technician in the city, the only one who worked with Jem and the only one she trusted to make their records sound the way they wanted them to.

"It's part of my job, Ms. Benton." Rio's answer wasn't what she was expecting even after his comment in the studio but his formal address made her flinch. "But interacting with Jem and you isn't. You're the boss and I'll respect that, but this doesn't change anything between us."

Of course it didn't. Rio's code of ethics wouldn't allow him to bend to accept her deception - not when he was still smarting from their discussion and the blasting Kimber had given him. Not that Kimber had wanted to tell her about that, but she had been paying attention when the Holograms had thought she was day dreaming in the car and she'd appreciated her sister sticking up for her - except she didn't want Rio to feel obligated to be around her.

"I understand." Tears pricked her eyes. "Was there anything else?"

"Will you still be expecting me to be Jem's road manager?"

"I don't have anyone else." The admission cost her pride points in more ways than one and she dug her fingers into the arms of her chair, fighting against the need to wrap them about herself.

"Then I'll continue as we have been until you can find someone else; I won't be staying beyond the term of my contract."

"I..." Her throat closed and she couldn't finish as a tear slid down her cheek. Rio, fortunately, seemed to have understood and, without anything further, departed her office. The click of the door was like a cue as her composure shattered and a sob escaped before she could muffle it. Fisting her hands together, she balled them in front of her lips to stifle her cries.

----------

Aja went looking for Jerrica as Shana and Kimber went their separate ways to invigorate their muses. Shana to the design studio Jerrica had set up next to their recording studio, and Kimber to the sofa in that design studio to continue putting lyrics to paper. With both creative geniuses deep into their niches, Aja knew the next step would be to work on the promotional side of things - something she and Jerrica normally collaborated on.

Figuring she'd find Jerrica in her office, Aja entered without knocking - and found Jerrica slumped over her desk with her shoulders heaving in silent sobs, her face buried in her arms. "Jerrica!"

Closing - and locking - the door behind her, Aja darted to Jerrica's side, sliding her arms about her step-sister in a comforting hug. "Oh Jerrica, we knew it would be tough to see Rio, but you didn't have to come here - we do understand."

"It's not that - it's not..." Jerrica told her brokenly, hiccupping on the words as she transferred her face to Aja's shoulder and clung tightly. "He... he came to see me."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Her grip on Aja tightened and the Asian girl stroked Jerrica's hair. "Or not? Want to tell me what happened?"

"He... he told me..." stumbling through the rendition, Jerrica explained what had happened with Rio - unable to help herself from describing how cold he'd been. It hadn't been his words that had cut so deeply, but the blatant indifference he had towards her feelings on the matter. Yes, she'd lied to him. Yes, she'd deceived him. But it had hurt to do so and he couldn't seem to understand that.

Aja held her through the gale and re-telling, her own grip tightening as Jerrica related Rio's unfeeling comments. Unfeeling and unemotional. She was going to give him a piece of her mind, not unlike Kimber, if he kept upsetting Jerrica this way. The man could at the very least _try_ and understand why Jerrica had done what needed to be done to save the Starlight girls, but he seemed disinclined.

"At least he said he'd help us, right? That has to be good news."

"Only until I can find someone else."

The broken way she said it told Aja more than Jerrica had intended. Rio just hadn't told her to find a new Manager, he'd told her to find new dreams, a new man and a new future. All of them, especially Jerrica, had expected Rio to propose eventually - now that would never happen. Instead Rio was looking at moving on; seeming immune to the broken hearted young woman who'd adored him since childhood and loved him since she'd first noticed him as a man. Jerrica might not have said it in so many words, but they all knew it to be true - just as they knew Rio loved Jerrica.

Or so they'd thought.

Or maybe he still did, he just couldn't trust her because it hurt too much. Hopefully time would give him the perspective needed to understand Jerrica's actions and bring him back into her life the way he belonged. Rio was practically a fixture at Starlight Music and at the Starlight house - not to mention in all of their lives - and his absence would be keenly felt. It was simply a matter of time before outside sources noted his discontent.

"Replace Rio?" Aja said it softly and shook her head. "Doesn't he realize that's impossible?"

Jerrica didn't argue the point. Rio _was _irreplaceable - it would take several people to fill his various roles up to the standards they were used to - except he wasn't just professional irreplaceable and the void in Jerrica's life was already apparent. "What are we going to do Aja?"

"We're going to cut an album," the young Asian lady told her firmly. "And while we do, we'll make a point of ensuring Rio stays professional. Maybe once he sees that you haven't changed, no matter the fact that you are Jem, he'll realize why we started Jem and the Holograms to begin with."

"Don't hold your breath." Jerrica pulled away, wiping her eyes with her sleeve as Aja offered her a tissue from the box on her desk. Accepting it, she wiped blew her nose and took a bracing breath. "Rio might never talk to me outside work again, Aja."

"We'll just have to wait and see. Both of you are hurting right now. Once he's had time to cool off and see that what we do doesn't hurt anyone - and in fact we use Jem and the Holograms almost exclusively to help - he'll come around."

"You can't know that."

"No," Aja settled herself on the edge of Jerrica's desk with a faint smile. "But we do know Rio and you know it the same as I do. We have two weeks to cut an album to stand a chance at getting it delivered on time, which means we're all going to be working in close proximity for long hours. It also means he'll get a chance to see that Jem and Jerrica are essentially the same people they've always been - you."

"But-"

"Ah ah," shaking one finger at her, Aja smiled softly. "No buts. Rio might be mad right now, but he can't be mad forever. Once he's calmed down, you'll be able to discuss this rationally and things will be different; you'll see."

"And if they aren't?"

"Then we'll do what we always do."

"Jem is finished without Rio, Aja. I can't..." shaking her head, Jerrica stopped, unable to continue. She couldn't be Jem without Rio's unwavering support. He was the strength behind her, the steel that allowed her to function - the man behind the scenes she could rely upon implicitly.

"You can." Aja took Jerrica's hands and squeezed. "Broken hearts eventually heal, Jerrica. I only hope he sees this for what it is before you're lost to each other forever."

"Me too Aja." Tears glittered on Jerrica's lashes. "Me too."


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

"No, no, _no_!" Rio's sharp reprimand blasted across the studio. "Are you ladies serious about cutting this album, or are you just here to waste my time?"

Shocked, Jem and the Holograms stared at him in silence, disbelief evident on their features. They'd never heard Rio take that tone of voice at any of their session - or anywhere else for that matter - and the shock of it drove them to absolute quiet.

Rio continued, tossing his headphones down inside the recording booth and storming into the studio itself. "Aja, you're off by an eighth of a beat; Kimber, you're being sloppy and the keyboard's coming through mangled, Shana, you're slowing the tempo in each bar and Jem..."

Jem flinched as he rounded on her, his expression stormy. "Could you _try_ and add some feeling to the words? My dishwasher has more soul than what you're putting into this."

"Maybe if you backed off for a bit, we'd be able to find our rhythm." Kimber snapped back at him, irate at the way he was picking on her sister. "Jem's doing the best she can right now."

"Then you might as well hand over the Glitter and Gold contest to the Misfits because with the way you're performing, there's no way you'll be able to sell a hundred albums, let alone a million!"

"Back off, Rio," Aja warned, watching the way Jem's hand had tightened on the microphone, her fingers starting to turn white. "We'll get it right this time, won't we girls?"

"Right," Shana agreed, turning a dark look Rio's way. His attitude wasn't endearing him to any of the Holograms. "Out; go do what you do best and let us work!"

Jem turned away from the window leading to the recording booth as Rio re-entered it and took a deep breath, rolling her shoulders and her head around to ease the tension. Rio's remarks had smarted. They were true enough, but Jem knew it was her fault - she was the one dragging the others down.

But _Jem_ wasn't broken hearted because of Rio; _Jem_ wasn't his ex-girlfriend; _Jem_ was thinking about a comeback. Men loved Jem, flocked to her and wanted to be around her - with her. _Men _didn't care if she was mysterious or held a secret that enabled her to protect and raise her foster girls.

Rio be damned.

"Thanks," she told her friends with a brave smile, trying to convince herself that _Jem_ didn't care about Rio's criticism. "How about we show him how this is done?"

The Holograms nodded, each more than a little ticked at Rio's attitude and Shana raised her drum sticks. This particular song was a guitar intro and Jem nodded to Aja. The Asian woman glanced at Kimber, got her nod, and struck the chord. It held, faded away and then she broke into the riff that was the song's intro. As Jem jumped in on the up count of five, the drums and keyboard began to blend under her voice.

Ignoring the dark presence behind the glass, Jem belted out the love song with such raw emotion, her eyes began to tear. Closing them against the blurring sight, she focused on the words and getting them _just right_. Rio would have no cause to criticize this piece. He would have _no_ reason not to cut it as it was.

It took three minutes before the track was done and he didn't interrupt them this time. As the final notes faded away, Jem bowed her head and turned her back to the glass. Discreetly, knowing the Holograms wouldn't hold this against her, she brushed at the tears on her lashes. Rio wouldn't see her cry.

"That was better, much better," Rio's voice came over the speakers, grudgingly respectful. He didn't apologize for his earlier behavior though. "We can cut that; two down, ladies."

"We need to practice the next few before we come back in," Kimber told Rio with a short wave. "We should have it by tonight - be back at six."

"Just call when you need me," Rio returned evenly as he was shutting down the equipment. "If you're ready sooner, let me know."

Shooting him a disgusted look, Shana pushed away from the drum set and stood, reaching out to take Jem's hand as the quartet left the recording studio. A few doors down, Shana pushed open the door to their practice room and ushered everyone in before closing the door and locking it.

"I could smack him."

"Boy, you said it; you'd think he could just do his job."

"He is." Jem took a deep breath. "And Rio wasn't wrong."

"How can you back him up the way he was treating you, Jem?" Kimber demanded, slapping her hands on her hips. "He's forgotten what it is to be nice, how can you even think for a second he's doing this to be anything but mean?"

"Because he's a professional, Kimber." Reaching for her earring, she whispered the words that turned her back into Jerrica. "Rio's our manager, he has been from the start. He knows our strengths and weaknesses and he's never pulled his punches before when we've been off. He's been nicer, yes, but just as critical."

"Jerrica-"

She held up her hands before they could protest further. "This is all my fault; I'm sorry."

"No it's not," came the staunch defense of her sister. "This is all Eric Raymond's fault. If he hadn't tried to run Starlight Music the way he had when dad died you never would have had to become Jem and none of this would have happened."

"Starlight needed a headliner," Jerrica corrected her sister. "And with everything dad left us, I think he _expected _us to do this."

"Well, if Eric and the Misfits hadn't been so set on causing mischief, you would have told Rio right away that you were Jem, right?"

"It doesn't matter what I tried to do, or would have done or who messed it up," Jerrica informed them evenly, struggling against the 'could have beens' playing over and over in her mind. If she'd only... Shaking them away, she focused on the now. "What's done is done and I have to live with it, even if it means Rio... even if it means he's leaving when his contract is done. We have an album to get out and Rio was right. I can't... If we're going to do this, I need to be Jem, not Jerrica."

"It doesn't matter the name, they're both you." Shana placed a hand on Jerrica's slumped shoulder and squeezed, "Rio just needs to see that. What do you say we play something old, something we haven't played in a long time. It might get us focused to work on the new set Kimber wrote."

"I'm game."

"Me too," Aja agreed. "Something upbeat, something that has nothing to do with love or men - who needs them anyway?"

"How about 'There's a Melody Playin' or..." Kimber settled at her keyboard and struck a chord that was familiar, her eyes sparkling as she glanced up at the others. It had been their first song, their first hit - and it was something they could play in their sleep. Aja grabbed her guitar as Shana jumped behind the drums, picking up the beat as Aja found the rhythm.

The music was upbeat and poppy, lifting Jerrica's spirits as little else could. With a quick word to Synergy, she was Jem again and began to sing. "There's music in the air..."

Jamming together was how they normally came up with the music to Kimber's lyrics and as they played through a couple of their hits, they flowed from one to another until the music evolved from there into something new. Kimber began to sing the first time they came up with a new melody, slotting in one of the new songs she's written. After the first pass through, they played it again and again, messing with the harmonies until they came up with something that fit her lyrics.

Once comfortable, they stopped; Shana - the opening beat on the song - gave them their time and struck up the fast paced song that would be their trademark for the album; Glitter and Gold. They moved from the upbeat song to a haunting, slightly discordant one that fit with Jem's current mood, did a brief stint with an old piece about jealousy and then jumped into two new tracks that they had no trouble nailing.

With Jem in the right frame of mind, they returned to the recording studio and ran through the new songs there, Jem making a point of facing away from the window. Instead of the two songs they came to lay down, they were ready with four. Kimber called Rio - who hadn't gone far - and within half an hour they were back to recording.

Recording the first three tracks went well enough, with Rio a silent specter behind the glass as he flipped switches and adjusted toggles and dials to match what they were doing. The Holograms paid him no attention, aware that their jamming session high had worn off awhile ago and that Jem was starting to feel the pressure of that icy, indifferent stare from beyond the window.

Kimber, seeing her sister starting to tire emotionally as they took a brief break for water between songs, flexed her fingers and began to pass them over the keys. An idea struck and she pun away to grab the paper and pen she kept handy for just such occasions. They all knew better, Rio included, than to interrupt her when she was composing. The words seemed to pour from her fingers, filling the page, line after line, her smile grim.

Only when she paused to review and looked up, did Kimber realize that they were all watching her with tolerant amusement, Jem's eyebrows lifted in a silent question. A question she then chose to voice. "I hope that expression wasn't because you dislike the lyrics you just penned."

"What? No!" Kimber blushed. "I've got a melody to go with it too; listen."

"We're recording, Kimber."

"Keep your pants on, mister high and mighty," she shot back, keeping the pad from Jem's reaching hand. "And you be patient; just listen."

Playing through the melodic line on her keyboard, she noted that they were all tapping their feet, approving smiles on their faces. Aja was already fingering chords to go with it, Shana's foot tapping to the beat she could hear in the background. Without further ado, Kimber launched into the song, her gaze on her sister's face - and wasn't disappointed.

"Deep inside your heart

That's where it's got to start.

There are those who doubt

That you will start to sprout."

Jem look startled, and Kimber knew her message was getting through. Jerrica couldn't let this set back with Rio tear her to pieces; she couldn't let the heartbreak she was feeling dictate her life and, while she was dealing, she had outlets and support. Believing in herself, however, was something that none of them could give her and Kimber knew that was the real message of this song.

"Believe in yourself

You've got to believe in yourself, baby

Got to believe in yourself

Or you'll get nothing from anyone else

Don't give up when people tell you no

Keep on working for another way to go

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Believe in yourself

You've got to believe in yourself, baby

Got to believe in yourself

Or you'll get nothing from anyone else

Believe in yourself

You've got to believe in yourself, baby

Got to believe in yourself

Believe in yourself!"

Jem's expression was near unreadable as Kimber finished the first pass through. Aja and Shana jumped in, adding their voices to the refrain as Kimber waited for Jem to take up the main line. She wasn't disappointed. Slanting her sister a knowing look, Jem picked up the microphone as they finished the last pass through - and began belting out the tune with such conviction, it made the Holograms grin.

In the sound booth, Rio sat back in surprise as Jem seemed to come alive before his eyes. She smiled, really smiled - Jerrica's smile - as she jumped wholeheartedly into the chorus. They eased off, stopped for a half a second, and then, as they ran up to the next run through, he began recording. Jem, to his surprise, continued on the level of energy Kimber's surprise inspiration had dished her and belted out the song with just a fraction more oomph than the last time.

As they finished and silence descended, Rio stopped the recording process. "I can cut that; Kimber that was..."

"What?"

"Wow."

Kimber blinked in surprise. Praise from the - of late - Mr. dour? "Do we have enough for the album yet?"

"Another day like today and we'll have time to spare in getting it distributed."

"Outrageous!" for a moment, the younger of the Benson girls forgot that she was mad at the man praising her work. "Then let's get to it, we've got one more track to lay down, right Jem?"

"Right. One more." Her smile had faded as she watched the byplay between her sister and her... and Rio. It brought back too many memories and the sound of her voice seemed to snap the two of them back into the present and the reality of their circumstances. Rio's demeanor turned icy once more.

"Now that we're here, see if you can't keep up that energy level, Jem; anything less is an insult to the music - plus it'll add a lot to the record."

"Sure no problem," was wanting to deck her former squeeze and the man who still owned her heart a bad thing? "One, two... one, two, three..."

The next two days were more of the same. Jem and the Holograms came to play and Rio came to criticize. He was overly critical, demanding and pushed them to the point of exhaustion. They replayed certain songs for hours in some cases as Rio recorded version after version, demanding they bring everything time and time again to land a flawless record.

The only, _only_ saving grace through the whole thing was that Rio was pushing himself just as hard and his exertions resulted in fewer criticisms of Jem directly.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

"You really are a jerk, Rio."

"That's a refrain I keep hearing but I don't yet believe it. What can I do for you, Aja?"

"You can stop harping on Jem for starters."

He didn't look up from where he was setting up for their next recording session. "She's not up to Starlight standards; if she'd get her act together-"

"You've got some nerve," hands on her hips, Aja glared down a the tech wiz, cutting him off. "She _is_ the Starlight standards. She sets them, decides what they are and then surpasses them. Jerrica is Starlight Music; Jem is Jerrica - what she says, goes."

"Oh, my mistake," he replied frostily, "I thought you ladies wanted to _win _the Glitter and Gold contest - or was I wrong?"

"Of course we want to win it, but not if all you're going to do is bully us. We understand that you're hurt, but did you, for a second, even stop to think just how Jerrica is hurting?"

"She _lied_ to me, Aja!"

"She didn't have a choice!" Aja slapped her hands down on the surface nearest her, leaning in to meet his gaze head on. "Would you have preferred she let the Starlight girls be separated, Starlight music go to Eric Raymond and run into the ground?"

"If she'd come to me-"

"_Nothing_ would have changed!" Her voice had dropped to an almost lethal hiss, her eyes sparking fire as she glared at the hard headed man. "What would you have done, paid her bills? Taken over supporting her and the Starlight Foundation? You make good money, but _not_ enough to support a charity. Her _father_ left her the tools to become Jem, Rio. Her _father_ expected her to take care of the Starlight Girls - and he expected _you_ to be understanding enough; to _love_ her enough to stand by her!"

"He probably expected me to know about this from the start too."

"Didn't you?"

"I've just about had enough of everyone's high handed approach to this. _She_ lied to _me_. End of story."

"Get off your high Horse, Pacheco; _you've_ been lying to _her _since Jem's appearance too. You're just a guilty as she is."

"I at least _tried_ to get out of the situation."

"_You're_ not the one who had to watch her tear herself up about you and Jem," Aja told him coldly, keeping her voice level. "_You're_ not the one who listened to her go back and forth about _how_ to tell you; you weren't there when she walked the floor arguing with Synergy about the necessity of you knowing. Don't stand there and try to tell _me_ that she wasn't broken up about this; Jerrica _never _wanted to lie to you!"

"Then why'd she keep doing it, huh?" He rounded on her, spinning on the balls of his feet and coming to his full height. "What'd she continue with the deception, continue chasing me as both Jem and Jerrica; why, Aja?"

"She didn't have a choice."

"Bull-"

"Unlike you," Aja cut him off scornfully, "Jerrica has this company and the accompanying foundation to keep afloat."

"She didn't have to lie to me to do it."

"Grow up, Rio; this was never about you; it's bigger than you and Jerrica - bigger than any one of us. She has her sister and all the foster girls to care for and she wants to give them the same chance we were all give when her parents took us in."

"It's wrong."

"Then you tell me what Jerrica should have done; give me another option, one that leaves Jem out of the picture, gives those girls a home _and _keeps Starlight Music out of Eric Raymond's hands."

Rio stared at her as if she were from another planet, the anger draining from his visage to be replaced by disbelief.

It was a question he'd asked in the privacy of his mind, but until watching Jem/Jerrica work so hard this past week, one he hadn't seriously considered. The voicing of it made facing it unavoidable; an option _without_ Jem? _Had_ there been one? Something any of them could have done to prevent Eric's hostile takeover and support of the Misfits?

Without Jem, Jerrica hadn't had a headliner to counter Eric's Misfits or the means of saving both the Starlight Foundation - which was a drain on the company's resources - and Starlight Music itself. Likely, she would have had to watch the girls be separated and shipped to other foster homes... and it would have destroyed her.

An option without Jem?

Despite everything he'd said, everything he'd seen and what he now knew, he wasn't sure if there _had_ been one or if there was one now. Starlight Music was making money without Jem, but not nearly as much - Jerrica had never been shy about letting him see the books - and the Starlight girls charity wasn't cheap. Starlight Music _needed_ Jem in the worst way... he just hated to admit it. A lie, a very _convincing_ lie had not only saved the company but let it prosper.

As if seeing his thought etched in his face, Aja smiled faintly, her point made.

"That's what I thought."

Rio said nothing as she walked away, closing the door behind her, and he turned his back to it to brace his hands on the mixer he'd been messing with. He didn't see it, didn't see anything around him, the pain in his chest an ache he'd been living with since Jem's unveiling.

Kimber and now Aja had torn strips off him for the way he'd treated Jerrica, but what about the way she'd treated him? Even if she'd fought Synergy on the decision to keep him at arm's length, why hadn't she approached him _before_ choosing to become Jem? Why hadn't she thought to include him in that decision making process? Why _hadn't_ he known from the start what was happening as Jerrica said he should have?

At the heart of it all, he realized that it wasn't the deception that really hurt, but the fact he'd never been a part of it from the start; that Jerrica hadn't trusted him enough to include him.

_Why not?_

The question was one he wasn't likely to get an answer to, but in the days since she'd revealed her dual identity, he'd been living in a blender set with the intent on turning him into sauce. Each of the holograms was like blade, Jerrica herself the container - and he couldn't escape. The more time he spent in the environment, the more he returned to his empty and silent house feeling bruised and broken.

Working with her was his own personal version of a living hell.

He'd see or hear or do something that reminded him if her - be it as Jem or as Jerrica - and he'd hate himself all the more for wanting to search her out and beg for forgiveness; for considering it. For being willing to forgive her for such a blatant and deliberate deception; like the one that had been his life before he'd left home.

Lies.

Deceit.

Cruelty.

He'd thought he'd left the heartbreak along with it, except nothing he'd been through had prepared him for this.

Never, not once, had he even considered that Jerrica was capable of this kind of willful misdirection - had she always been this way, or had circumstances changed her? Had he just not seen her capacity for intrigue, too blinded by her innocent charm to see the schemer who lay beneath? Or was this a testament of her strength; her willingness to put others before her own needs and desires no matter what the personal cost?

Despite his own hurt, a part of him admired her for what she'd accomplished.

As Jerrica she'd been sweet and camera shy, never wanting to put herself in the spotlight. But, as Jem, she revealed facets of herself he'd never known existed but not all of those facets were ones he liked. Yes, he was attracted to Jem, but now he privately wondered if that wasn't because she was really Jerrica. No other woman had ever drawn him the way she did - like a magnet... no other woman, except Jem.

Except Jem was Jerrica, which meant he'd not been torn between two women as he'd thought; just torn up by the same one in a different way than he was now.

Bowing his head, he exhaled raggedly, the anger having faded over the last week despite his cold facade to her, and now only the hurt remained. Hurt that she hadn't trusted him enough from the beginning... and hurt that he was now doubting himself, questioning what he'd done to show her he couldn't be trusted.

It was that question which haunted him whenever he looked at her; every time their eyes met and he forced himself to remain unmoved. Outwardly at least. Inside, he was a mess.

This whole Jem was Jerrica situation had him questioning everything he once believed about her and about himself; everything he knew and everything he thought he knew; his values and hers... and the future he'd been so certain they had together. Rio needed perspective and he didn't know if he could get it working with the girl who'd held his heart for so long he couldn't remember a time when she hadn't.

But leaving, no matter the reason, felt wrong. Like he was abandoning her; yet he couldn't stay the way things were.

"Rio?"

_Her_ voice made him stiffen, his head coming up. "Jerrica."

"Are you ready for us?"

Turning his head, he noticed that it wasn't _Jerrica_ in the doorway but Jem. An irritated frown drew his eyebrows down and his lips thinned. _Why did I think she sounded like Jerrica?_ It hadn't happened before. Except now he knew she _was _Jerrica and their voices seemed to blend together despite the way she camouflaged hers to be the famous singer. Another Synergy trick?

"Should I take that as a no?"

Ever since they'd put down the "Believe in Yourself" track, Rio hadn't heard her stutter when she spoke with him and he wondered if she was as confident as she now looked. Knowing Jerrica, the _real_ Jerrica as he had, something told him it was as much an act as his own cold shoulder. Much as he hated to admit how much he was hurting, he _knew_ she had to be hurting just as much. This situation wasn't easy for either of them.

"We've got two tracks to put down before the album is finished. If you ladies are ready, then let's get this over with."

He didn't imagine her flinch at his grim tone, but _Jem_ smiled as if to mask it and turned back towards the door. "I'll get the girls."

She'd come here alone? Impressed despite himself - he hadn't thought her willing to spend time alone with him for any reason - his expression inadvertently softened for an instant. "Jem..."

Her gaze zipped back to his, her eyes wide, and in the depths of her gaze he could see the misery and pain she was so good at masking under the hologram of her alter ego. In that moment, he didn't know if she could see the same in his and he was terrified she could see straight through every buffer he'd placed between them. He looked away - but was too late.

"Rio-"

"Don't." His short response cut her off, and she froze in the act of taking a step towards him. "Nothing's changed."

"You're wrong," she told him softly, and in that moment she sounded so achingly like Jerrica he flinched as if struck. "Everything's changed - and you won't change with it, or accept it."

"You know why."

"Yes," the whispered word broke in the center. "I do - and so do you."

He didn't need to ask what she meant and the chasm between them seemed to yawn only that much wider; he wasn't willing to go against his principals and accept her duplicity, and she couldn't help what already was. Except he was lying to himself. Staring at her from the corner of his eyes, he forced himself to be as brutally honest as possible.

It wasn't that he was unwilling to go against his principals; it was simply that he shouldn't have to. Jerrica knew him well enough to know it took a long time for him to trust anyone and this kind of situation was exactly why. Yet, for _her_ he was willing to _bend_ his long held principals. Not break them, not change them, but flex some. Except he'd never been given the choice until it was too late, never been shown the kind of trust he believed he'd exhibited to her.

"I'll go get the girls."

He turned away, unwilling to watch her go, still caught in his own circle of thoughts. Confused and hurt more than angry, he exhaled and inhaled, kneeling to re-hook the mixer so they could finish laying down the tracks necessary to finish the _Glitter and Gold _album. The sooner they got them finished, the sooner he could escape the studio and the constant companionship of the woman who haunted his every moment.

Sleeping, awake, semi-awake, it didn't matter - no matter his state of consciousness, he continued to relive those awful moments in the Starlight Mansion when Jerrica had confessed her secret. He saw her face, heard himself speak; heard her speak - analyzed what each of them had said... and he ached, wishing they could go back to before.

_Wishing_, he thought dejectedly, _that I'd never been told of her deception. _

And of course, the wish brought more questions. Would he really have been happy never knowing of Jerrica's secret? Could he have continued thinking he was betraying Jerrica every time he was with Jem, despite the fact Jerrica had begged him to stay on as Jem's manager? Would he have eventually confessed his attraction to Jem only to have her smile and say it wasn't a big deal; that she already knew because she _was_ Jem?

Would he have approached the situation differently if she hadn't played him for the fool?

Hearing the door to the studio open behind him, he continued hooking up the mixer, knowing the girls would take their time getting set up. Confident the equipment was connected correctly, Rio straightened and hit the power before turning to look at the recording studio. The girls had dressed for the part and today was supposed to be the day they put down the title track; _Jem _, he thought sourly, studying the girls, _would look good in a paper bag._

Checking the settings, a quick double check to ensure they'd be making more than one copy of this session, he hit the toggles to tie in the sounds from the recording studio. "We're green in here; ready when you are."

Jem met his gaze for a long moment before she deliberately turned and put her back to the studio window. A grudging half smile of respect tilted his lips for the briefest of seconds; no matter the makeup, she was still Jerrica and _that_ was her classic 'I'm not talking to you" move.

_Good_, he thought peevishly, _that means she came to sing._

And sing she did, knocking his socks off and bringing the energy he'd accused her of lacking so many times before, the first time. With no reason to criticize, Rio simply sat silently in the booth and let the songs run their course. Jem was making a point and one he'd have had to be blind, deaf and dumb to miss.

If he didn't like what she was doing or why, that was his issue, not hers. With or without him she was a star and his breakup with Jerrica wouldn't be allowed to interfere with business. There were too many children counting on her; too much else at stake.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

Collapsing into the chair behind her desk, Jerrica tilted her head against the headrest and closed her eyes as she considered what had passed between her and Rio this afternoon before they'd finished recording. He'd be putting finishing touches on the album right now, she knew, but the relief she felt over finishing well ahead of schedule was nothing compared to the gnawing ache in the center of her chest.

Even the knowledge that they had the video shoot for _Glitter and Gold_ in the morning did nothing to ease the desolation that continued to dog her steps. Gamely, Jerrica had tried to focus on the good and believe in herself, but so far it was mostly an act. An act, she realized, that those who knew her best didn't believe her act for a second.

As Jem, it was easier to pretend.

Rio was just as distant, withdrawn and the consumate professional. But the lines between her two personalities had blurred for him to the point where he almost never called her Jem, no matter how she looked. It wouldn't do, she realized, to have him calling her 'Jerrica' while she was masquerading a Jem. She would need to address that; tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow was better. She didn't think she'd be able to stand another round with him today.

"Jerrica?"

With a sigh, she opened her yes. "Yes, Kimber?"

"You okay?"

"As well as can be expected - did you need something?"

"Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to do something tonight. You know, like hit the club - we haven't done that since dad..." Kimber cleared her throat. "We all worked hard this week; don't we deserve a night to play?"

"Of course you do; you and the girls have fun."

"But-"

Jerrica was already shaking her head. "I can't. I've got promotions to arrange, a tour to plan and other managerial things I've neglected for long enough this week."

"Jerrica might, but Jem doesn't."

"As it is I'm going to have to stay until midnight at least to get caught up; I can't."

Looking at her sister with sad eyes, Kimber knew that Jerrica was simply over-working herself to make up for the gaps in her personal life. Gaps that wouldn't heal if she didn't stop avoiding them. But then, it hadn't be very long at all since her and Rio's confrontation and Rio had been suspiciously silent through their recording session this afternoon, saying only what needed to be said, his gaze firmly planted on Jem's back or his equipment. When he wasn't being stone cold, it almost looked like he was hurting - almost as much as Jerrica. Was he having second thoughts? Kimber could only hope so for both their sakes.

No one, but _no one_, was as good for her sister as Rio Pacheco.

"Don't worry about me," insisted Jerrica, summoning a weary smile for her sister. "I'll order in, kick my shoes off and relax when I'm done; promise."

"Not good enough."

Kimber and Jerrica turned towards the door as Aja and Shana appeared in the doorway, take-out cartons in hand and wearing identical grins.

"We figured you'd try and work late," Aja explained, stpping into the room and placing her boxes on the coffee table.

"So we thought we'd help," added Shana, putting the large pizza box next to it. "All work and no play makes Jerrica Benton worn out before her time."

"I don't deserve you guys."

"Sure you do," Shana returned knowingly. "You'd do the same for us if the situation were reversed."

"Is that your way of saying things aren't going so well with Anthony?"

"Nothing of the sort; but if they weren't, you'd all do what you could to cheer me up."

"In a heart beat." Blinking rapidly, Jerrica fought back tears of gratitude. With how much she'd cried in the last week, she was surprised she had any tears left. "I'm happy that you're not though."

"Me too," chimed in Kimber, flipping open the box of pizza and selecting a slice. "You two are like peanut butter and jam; you just go together."

The girls shared a much needed laugh before Aja - ever the no-nonsense hologram, turned to Jerrica with a faint smile. "So where do we start?"

Before Jerrica could answer, Shana cut in with a wink, her tone playful. "With kicking off our shoes and kicking back. Once that's done, the real work can start."

The girls shared a laugh, setting the atmosphere as Jerrica joined them for pizza and delegated the tasks she'd set herself for the night. As one, the holograms vetoed her decision to separate them, insisting they were better as a unit and eliminating the possibility of leaving her alone. And despite the overwhelming need for some alone time that went with peace and quiet, Jerrica caved to their combined insistence with a smile.

In the end they were done by nine, but headed for home instead of the club. No amount of cajoling would convince Jerrica that it was a good idea and without her consent, they weren't about to push. Sooner or later she'd be ready to get out and explore once again; they'd just have to be patient until that time came.

----------

_"Jerrica..."_

_"Rio?"_

_Appearing on her left, the smiling young man extended his hand to her. "I'm sorry, Jerrica," his expression was soft, soften than she'd seen it in a long time. "I was too hard on you; I know I was wrong to judge you without looking at this from your side. I've been selfish and self-absorbed, unwilling to see you were backed into a corner."_

_"Oh, Rio!" Jerrica threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, joyful tears streaming down her cheeks. "You do care!"_

_"I've never stopped... Jerrica... Jem... my mystery lady. Living without you is a nightmare." His finger tips were damp as they slid over her bare back and upwards to hold her tightly. "Tell me I'm not too late."_

_"Never," she swore softly, pulling back to look at him - except he was fading, his color draining from his face. _

_Concerned, she pulled back only to see that the finger tips which had been running up her back moments ago were now nubs where his fingers had been. His hands were a bloody mess, the sparkle draining from his eyes even as it turned accusatory. "You did this... you and your lies. Your deception; your secrets."_

_"It was never meant to hurt you; I love you!"_

_"Love me?" His strength failing, he collapsed to his knees, blood spreading around him as he did and Jerrica reached to grab him - except he wouldn't let her. "Secrets are a double edge sword, Jerrica. You hurt both friend and foe alike... and now I'm both...."_

_"Rio! Rio, don't... please... don't do this; don't go!"_

_"I... I can't..."_

_  
"Rio?" leaning over his desperately, Jerrica shook him, trying to stem the now slow flow of blood like he wouldn't let her do before, frantically trying to save him. Except it was too late - he was already starting to cool. "Rio! Rio - NO!!"_

"Jerrica!"

She came awake with a start, sitting straight up in bed and reaching for Rio's fading image only to be met by the concerned visage of her sister . Bile rose in the back of her throat and, before they could ask if she was okay, she threw back the covers and dashed for the washroom.

Kimber, Shana and Aja exchanged looks as the sound of retching could be clearly heard through the partially open door. Knowing Jerrica wouldn't want their assistance, they waited patiently for her to appear. The haunted, sunken visage that Jerrica had become appeared in the doorway to the washroom and clutched one side of the door frame for support.

It didn't take a genius to determine she'd had a nightmare about Rio - she'd been crying out desperately for him in her sleep and that was what had brought them running - but something about the way Jerrica was shaking told the girls this was no ordinary nightmare.

"Jerrica?"

"I can't do this."

Shana, Kimber and Aja exchanged looks again.

"Do what?" Aja prompted finally when Jerrica offered no more explanations.

"This," Jerrica waved her hand at the room, indicating the mansion. "The album, the tour - being Jem. Jem should have stayed dead and gone; I never should have created her to begin with!"

"You are wrong, Jerrica." Synergy's image appeared in the room, hovering in place so they could all see her. "Without Jem, Starlight Music and the foundation would still be in Eric Raymond's hands."

"Meaning the foundation would have been closed and the girls separated," Shana added. "You don't honestly think we should have let that happen, do you?"

Her shoulders slumped and Jerrica seemed to deflate before their eyes as she huddled close to the door and wrapped her arms protectively about her middle. "No." She closed her eyes, only to snap them open almost immediately. "No... but I wish I'd... I wish we'd done things differently."

"You mean you wish you'd told Rio from the start."

A nod was Kimber's response.

Shana pushed off the bed, moving to Jerrica and pulling her into a hug. "You tried to, Jerrica; we all saw you - we all know how badly you wanted to."

"I _lied _to him, Shana. He asked me... he asked me if I was Jem. I should have told him then, I should have-"

"Regrets don't get you anywhere," interjected Aja firmly. "Stop thinking about what you should have done and start thinking about what you're going to do from here."

"Aja-"

"Aja is correct, Jerrica."

"I don't care if she's correct," bit out Jerrica bitterly, pulling away from Shana. "I don't care if I should look to what will be because I don't know anymore. All I ever wanted was to give my girls a safe place to grow up and to someday marry Rio," angry tears flooded her eyes, but she didn't swipe at them as she glared at Synergy. "And I lost Rio in making sure I could do the first one!"

"It's not your fault Jerrica."

"Not my fault?" Rounding on her sister, Jerrica's glare made Kimber take a half step back. "_I_ made the decision to become Jem; _I_ made the decision to take on Eric without Rio's help; _I_ made the decision to lie to him knowing full well he wouldn't appreciate or understand it - how is any of that not my fault?"

"Because you have the girls depending on you." Shana stepped between the sisters with a hard look at Kimber before turning her attention back to Jerrica. "Every decision you made has been for the safety and security of the Starlight girls; just because Rio can't see that, don't take it our on Kimber."

"I know, I know..." Jerrica slid down the wall beside the bathroom to sit on the floor, her forehead tilting forward to rest against her upraised knees as she wrapped her arms about them. "I just... I feel lost. Rio..."

"Rio needs time, just like you do."

A short laugh escaped, but Jerrica didn't look up. "Aja, if I have any more time, you'll be committing me. I _need_ him; he's like air, like water... he's everything I've ever wanted, and the _only_ person I want to be with... I feel like... like I'm half of a person."

The girls exchanged concerned looks with Jerrica's soft, dejected words. Shana slid down the wall beside her, putting an arm around her back. "You're not, you know."

"I know that, but I can't help how I feel. It's like living with a hole in my chest where my heart used to be... I never thought...."

Pulling her close, Shana tucked Jerrica under her arm. Aja crowded her other side in a silent show of support as Kimber placed her hands on Jerrica's. There was silence for several long moments as Jerrica fought for control, shuddering in the grasp of the girls who were her sisters and drawing on them for strength.

"Sis?" Kimber's words were tentative. "Are you okay to go back to bed?"

Jerrica lifted her head. "What time is it?"

"Two."

A shudder of dread none of them could miss shook Jerrica's frame.

"I'd rather not."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jerrica shook her head, staring sightlessly at her knees. Rio's bloody image, the accusation in his gaze... his words... and yet he'd held her with such tenderness while being cut. Tears streaked silently down her cheeks. "I'd... I'd like to be alone... please."

Slowly, the girls dispersed, leaving her to the silence. Only when the door had closed behind them, did Jerrica lift her head to stare at the ceiling.

_Rio_

His image was ingrained as firmly behind her eyelids as it was in her heart; the nightmare was something she couldn't ignore and hot on the heels of the memory was the desire, the _need_ to see him. Pushing to her feet, she pulled her night shirt over her head and pulled on a pair of jeans and tank top and grabbed a half jacket as a nod to the weather on her way out.

Tip toeing down the hallway and past the bed rooms she knew were occupied, Jerrica could hear Kimber and the other girls discussing her in hushed tones. It was inevitable, she supposed; despite their upcoming tour, this thing with Rio was in their faces every day. Sliding down the banister to avoid the stairs, Jerrica landed softly and made for the door.

It was two in the morning; Rio's place was fifteen minutes by car and she didn't want to risk waking the girls; she'd have to go on foot. Letting herself out, she ensured she had her keys and closed the door softly behind her to lock it. On foot, she headed for the gate to the mansion grounds.

"Jerrica."

"Not now, Synergy; I have to do this."

"This is unwise at this hour of the day."

"I know, but... I _need_ to see him, I need to... to..."

"It would be prudent if you returned for your vehicle."

"And let you wake the house?"

"If I had intended to do so, you would not have left."

Jerrica conceded the point. With Synergy in the house, she was more powerful than before - and if she hadn't wanted Jerrica to leave, she'd have found a way to ensure everyone knew what she was attempting to do. But something was pushing her to go on foot, some instinct that warned her showing up on Rio's doorstep at two or three in the morning with a safe way home would mean he'd force her to take it; he wouldn't see her.

On foot, however, his chivalrous tendencies wouldn't let him send her away. Foolish as she was to walk there, she knew without a doubt he'd never let her walk home. Fighting or not; respecting her or not, Rio was still Rio and she was a woman who would need rescuing - and Jerrica intended to use that particular trait to her advantage.

If she was lucky, she might even have a civil conversation with him... right now she'd settle for simply laying eyes on him. Until she did, her nightmare was going to make it impossible to sleep. Better this, she knew, than another round of 'are you okays' when she woke up screaming for him again.

No; she wouldn't go back for the van. Synergy would just have to accept it.

"Jerrica?"

"No, Synergy."

"Very well; if you need me-"

"I'll ask; thanks."

Pushing open the gate to the mansion property, Jerrica set out determinedly for Rio's.


	9. Chapter 9

**Part 9**

Rio wasn't sleeping when the knock on his door came at ten minutes to three.

Taking it for a figment of his imagination, he remained where he was - one leg hanging down outside the open window, the other stretched across the sill to brace him with his bare back to the frame, beer in hand. He'd been hearing Jerrica's voice all night too, which didn't help his disposition.

Taking another sip, he stared at the moon, thinking of the girl who'd become a mystery to him in the last week after years of harmony. _Where did we go wrong? What did I do?_

The knock came a second time, just as he was pulling the bottle away from his lips, and he frowned, swallowing; the knock had been louder, more insistent. _Who in the world comes by at just shy of three in the morning?_ Everyone he knew was either sleeping or... he shied away from the 'or'.

Pulling his dangling leg in, he twisted off the sill and strode towards the door to his room and the stairs beyond after he dropped his beer on the bed side table. Living alone had its advantages, one of which was that he never had to close his door - or be quiet at a certain time. Not that he was noisy by nature. "Hold on, I'm coming," he yelled towards the door and, thankfully, the knocking stopped.

Not pausing to collect a shirt, he hit the bottom step and checked the peep hole to see who it was - and froze. A nervous looking Jerrica stood on his doorstep. _At three in the morning? _Throwing the lock, he yanked the door open - and blamed the beer for his loose tongue.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Taking a step back at his instant hostility, she froze just shy of the steps to his porch, her gaze riveted on his half naked form. Her mouth went dry; he wasn't wearing anything but a pair of old jeans, the button undone, and for a moment she was so astounded by the sight she forgot why she _had_ come. Did she really need a reason to see him in all his half-naked gory? He'd gotten more defined muscle ridges since she'd last seen him in his swimsuit...

"Jerrica."

Her gaze snapped to his face, her cheeks flaming. "S-sorry."

"What are you doing here?"

"I..." she swallowed hard, her gaze darting nervously to either side of his house. While he lived in a relatively safe neighborhood, there was always the chance for danger. Now, facing him, her fears seemed silly. Of _course_ he was okay; her nightmare hadn't been an indication of reality. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Arching his eyebrows, he _looked_ at her, as if to say she was pulling his leg. "Then it's a good thing I wasn't sleeping. Why are you here?"

The blush that had tinted her cheekbones deepened and she turned away, back towards the steps. "It's nothing. I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"Jerrica."

She stopped; the anger of his initial question having almost completely disappeared and now she could hear the strain in his tone. A strain she had put there; she never should have come.

"Where's your car?"

"I walked."

"From _where_?"

"Home."

"Do you," his gaze was boring into her back, and the anger was back, "have _any_ idea what time it is?"

"No;" she'd forgotten her watch. "But it was about two when I started."

"About two when you... You're shooting a music video this morning; don't you think you should be sleeping."

"I was..."

Something in her voice or the way she trailed off must have warned him this was the root of the problem, because he took a step back. "Jerrica... come inside."

"You don't want me here."

"Want you here or not, you're _not_ walking home at three in the morning even if I have to come out there and carry you back here."

"I made it here okay; I'll be fine getting home."

"Then at least come in until I can get my sock and shoes on," he told her shortly. "Because you're not walking home alone."

"I'm not alone."

"Synergy doesn't count."

Biting her lip, Jerrica couldn't look back at him, torn between wanting to run and knowing he'd give chase, or giving into the very thing she wanted; an opportunity to be in his house again and the chance to talk to him. Taking a deep breath, she turned just as his arms closed about her, lifting her off her feet.

Unexpected thought it was, she trusted him completely and no sound passed her lips as he pulled her into his home and shut the door. He put her down immediately, but she was crowded against the door in the small entry way. Turning away from the surface, she faced him.

"Why did you come here, Jerrica?"

It was only then, after being in his arms, that she registered the smell of alcohol. Rio rarely drank and when he did it was never alone. "Are you drunk?"

"One or two isn't enough to get me drunk. Answer the question; why are you here when you should be sleeping?"

"I had a nightmare," she told him honestly, meeting his gaze. "About you."

"And you decided to talk a walk in the middle of the night to see if it was real?"

"To see if you were alright," the correction drew a short laugh. "It's true!"

"You know as well as I do nightmares aren't real."

"Do I?" Humiliating tears sprang to life and she tried to blink them away. "I've been living a nightmare since I told you I was Jem, Rio. Why should the outcome of this one be any different?"

"Because real life isn't a nightmare; it's just life. We deal with it."

"I don't want to,"

"You don't have a choice and neither do I."

"No?" Reaching up, Jerrica yanked the Jemstar earrings from her lobs. "Here, take them; Jem's finished. I'd rather have you than the pain and misery she's brought."

He stared at her dumbfounded, making no move to take the earrings.

"Take them," she insisted, her fingers brushing his chest as she pushed them his way. "Isn't that what you wanted? No more Jem? No more lies?"

As if in slow motion, Rio reached up and took the Jemstar earrings. Before Jerrica could drop her hand, he caught her wrist, forced her clenched fingers open and slipped them back into her palm. One by one, he deliberately folded her fingers over the earrings, keeping them closed with his own hand. It was the first deliberate touch they'd shared since Jem's unmasking and they were both shaking.

"Keep them," he told her, having already come to terms with the idea she was Jem, but not the fact she hadn't trusted him. The hurt of that was what festered within him and he doubted there was anything she could do to correct it. "Jem isn't the issue; she never has been."

"But I thought-"

"Starlight Music and the Starlight girls need Jem - the _world_ needs Jem, Jerrica. Not because she's Jem, but because she's you. Because this world doesn't have enough celebrities who dedicate themselves to causes or charities; because this world needs a role model who does just that - a role model who genuinely _cares_ about people. This week has given me a lot to think about as to why you did what you did - with Kimber and Aja's help. I may not approve, but I do understand. I'm sorry I didn't when you first told me."

"Then... are you saying... are we..."

"No."

Her heart dropped into her shoes as he let go of her hands and she continued to stare at him, the tears she'd been fighting now hanging on her lashes. "Rio, do you remember a song we wrote back on our first album called _Deception_?"

"Why?"

Jerrica forged ahead, jumping straight into the lyrics, just in case he'd forgotten them.

"Deception.

How long must I continue this deception?

This Masquerade.

Deception.

My life feels like it's nothing but deception

A big charade.

I never meant to lie to you

I swear it

I never meant to play those games

Sometimes I wanna cry to you

'Cause I can't bear it

But I fear our love will end in vain

Deception.

I pray that you'll forgive all this deception

This Masquerade

Deception.

It's time to put an end to this deception

But I'm afraid

When the whole thing is at an end

And you learn that it's just pretend

You'll cry deception!"

Rio was silent as she finished.

"Kimber didn't write it; I did - about you." The Jemstar earrings bit into her hand, drawing blood, but she didn't notice. Watching him, tears on her cheeks, she saw he understood; but he hadn't forgiven her. He might never forgive her. Swallowing hard, she nodded once and tilted her head at a proud angle. "I waited so long, too long, to tell you I was Jem and for that I'm sorry. I meant what I said when I told you that she was never supposed to be a mystery to _you_."

"Wasn't she?" Shaking his head, Rio stepped back onto the stairs. "Mystery or not, you didn't trust me. What I can't figure out is when I gave you the excuse you needed not to."

Her throat closed. Not trust him? There wasn't anyone she'd trusted with more! Her voice, when it came out, was barely a whisper. "Nothing. You didn't do anything."

"If that was the case, I'd have known about Jem _before_ you decided to challenge Eric; I'd have been a part of the planning and execution. I wouldn't have had to be told she was you, I'd have known before you became her - I'd have helped you _create_ her."

"Would you?" Hearing it from his lips was like being slapped in the face. "Would you really have been comfortable with the intent to dupe and lie to millions just so I could save Starlight Music and the Starlight House? Would you have been able to treat me like two different people and not extensions of the other? _Could_ you have kept your hands off Jem, not run to her rescue or act like a jealous boyfriend every time someone who didn't know the truth about us showed interest? Would _you_ have been able to trust _me_ to be true to you?"

Rio looked at her, each of the questions reverberating around in his head - and acknowledged privately that she had a point. A _very_ good point. Still, it didn't explain why she hadn't trusted him to make those decisions for himself - or to help her make them. If he'd known, they could have avoided a lot of misunderstandings.

Exhaling softly, he turned away. "Wait here; I'll just be a minute and then I'll take you home."

"Rio-"

"Don't, Jerrica," he told her, pausing without looking back. "Just... don't."

Wrapping her arms about her middle, Jerrica crossed to the archway leading into his living room as Rio disappeared upstairs. The earrings bit more firmly into her palm, but she didn't notice, too caught up in what Rio had told her to feel anything.

His acceptance of her deception tied together with his own kind of endorsement was heartwarming, but they weren't together anymore now than they had been when she'd first revealed her identity. His message had been loud and clear. Just because he understood, didn't mean he liked it anymore than when he'd first discovered it.

Yes, almost a week after the fact, they'd been able to have an adult discussion not tempered by emotion regarding what had happened, but that didn't give her what she wanted most. Him. A squeak of the stairs behind her alerted her to his return, but she didn't turn.

"Is there a chance for us, Rio?"

The silence behind her was unnerving but she wouldn't face him as she fought against the need to look at him, to _see_ him tell her there was; but he remained silent. Dreadfully silent. Swallowing against the knot in her throat, she asked the alternative question.

"Is that a no?"

"No."

"Does that... mean there's no chance for us?"

For a long minute Jerrica wasn't sure he'd answer her and she was just straightening her shoulders to look at him, when he finally replied.

"It's only been a week, Jerrica - I need more time."

This time she did turn, meeting his gaze even as tears slipped down her cheeks again. "Time."

"Yeah. It's a lot to take in, don't you think?"

Her shoulders slumped, knowing even as she sagged against the doorframe that he was right. It _was_ a lot to take in for the short period of time he'd had. Wrapping her arms about her middle, she dropped her gaze back to the floor. "I should never have come here."

He didn't argue the point. "You're here now; there's no point on dwelling on what you can't change."

Words of wisdom if she'd ever heard them, but somehow they meant more than they should have. And suddenly she didn't want his help getting home; especially not when she was an imposition. Weary beyond belief at this whole mess, she rubbed her hands over her face – and Rio's suddenly cupped her elbows, drawing her gaze to his.

"You okay?"

A bitter laugh escaped. "Is that a trick question?"

"If you can't make it home, Jerrica, you can always crash here – I'm okay to walk, but probably shouldn't drive."

"I wouldn't dream of imposing." Not now anyway; once perhaps, but those days had disappeared with his trust.

"I offered; you didn't ask. The couch is a hide-a-bed if you want to use it for a while." It was tempting, so very tempting her gaze drifted to it - and Rio chose that moment to step back. "I'll grab you some blankets."

Her gaze darted back his way, but Rio had already turned away. Sleep here, under the same roof? Return with him in the morning and have everyone question her sanity and their relationship – or lack thereof – again? Could she bear it, knowing he was upstairs all the while knowing the gap between them was more than the single floor that separated them – possibly impossible to bridge?

"I won't be sleeping."

He paused on the stairs, glancing back at her. "You need your rest."

"Synergy will ensure I look rested," her quiet conviction was laced with bitterness. "Go to bed, Rio. If it's okay with you, I'll sit here until morning and you can take me back then."

His lips thinned before he disappeared upstairs. Jerrica's shoulders sagged and she stumbled to the old couch, sinking into it as her knees gave out. Pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her hands about her shins, the Jemstar earrings still digging unnoticed into her palm, she buried her face in her knees – only to jerk her head upright when a gentle pressure alit on the couch beside her.

A blanket and pillow had been dropped at the end and she lifted her gaze to Rio's.

"Just in case you change your mind."

Swallowing hard, she forced a weak smile. "Thanks."

"See you in the morning." He turned to go.

"Rio?"

He paused in the doorway, but didn't look at her – which helped because she was staring sightlessly at the wall.

Jerrica took a deep breath, seeming to know he was still around, and mustered her courage. "I know what I did was unforgiveable and that I've had a long time to think about it… so take whatever time you need; just... let me know, okay?"

There was a long silence, on in which she feared he'd disappeared before his soft response drifted back to her.

"One way or another, you'll be the first to know."

The stairs creaked, announcing his retreat once more before the house became silent again. Jerrica let her head tilt forward and closed her eyes as her forehead came to rest against her knees. _One way or another…_ she only hoped whatever way he chose, was the way that led him back to her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: **My apologies on taking so long to update this between chapters. The muse is fickle and doesn't always agree with where I'm trying to take this. On the bright side, it's supposed to wrap with the Glitter and Gold contest so... yeah... it's not going to be too much longer, it will just take time to ensure everything happens the way I wish it to.

Thanks for your patience guys!

* * *

**Part 10**

Neither Jerrica nor Rio slept that night.

Her impromptu visit to his home might have cleared the air on a number of matters that had lain between them for too long, but Jerrica knew she was hoping for miracles if she believed it had changed things back to the way they'd been. Rio was polite but distant, having withdrawn into himself in a protective gesture that she understood even as it dismayed her.

Their discussion had helped her understand

With Synergy's help, she disguised her clothing into a running outfit, and she and Rio headed for the Mansion just after the sun had risen. They arrived before the house began to stir and Rio went to collect the van as Jerrica headed for her room to shower and change. No one knew she'd spent the night with Rio - an event that would be no doubt misconstrued no matter how she explained it - and they intended to keep it that way.

Organized chaos erupted not long after she stepped out of the shower, with the Starlight girls begging and pleading with Kimber and Shana to allow them to come to the shoot. Using Synergy and a few light cosmetics to cover her exhaustion, Jerrica had needed to veto the field trip; they could, she promised instead, view the music video before anyone else.

As consolation prizes, the girls knew they could do worse and enthusiastically dispersed.

The first day of shooting went off without a hitch... which was saying a lot when Rio went out of his way to spend as little time as possible with the band. He organized, checked and rechecked the sound equipment, ordered the extras around like a general and generally kept things moving so smoothly, despite his lack of interaction with Jem and the Holograms that the peripherals of the set ran like well maintained clockwork.

Jem for her part, focused on perfection - personal and professional.

She gave it.

Demanded it.

Expected it.

For all she hadn't slept the night before, Jem's focus was unshakable - and, as a result, shooting took half the time it should have.

With two days of shooting scheduled, the first day was finished just after noon with solid footage on the reels to be cut and edited into the music video that would eventually be distributed as a part of the album's release. If shooting on location the following day went as quickly and as smoothly, despite the tension between the star and her manager, the video would be cut together in no time.

Through the morning, Rio had watched Jem perform for the camera, his gut twisting with an emotion he couldn't put a name to. Now, more than ever, he understood his fascination with Jem and, despite everything that had happened, he still found her - _Jerrica_ - mesmerizing. Apparently explaining the fascination didn't diminish it and, for the first time since this whole situation had turned into his own personal nightmare, grudging respect for everything she'd accomplished, despite her fears, filtered through the hurt.

He hadn't expected her visit last night and her presence in his house had simply ensured his sleepless night had stayed that way. Regardless, it had been their discussion that continued to dog him even now. Images of the past tended to creep up at inopportune times - like when _Jem_ flashed a smile towards the camera that was brilliant and almost teasing. Yet, Rio could tell, even if no one else could, the brittle edge that smile held and how it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Watching Jem, and now irrevocably _knowing _she was Jerrica, he caught the mannerisms he should have seen from the start. Things he never should have told himself he was seeing because he wanted to see them; things he should have trusted because his instincts had been right.

But then, he'd never believed Jerrica capable of that kind of deception - at least not with him.

It didn't stop him from watching her while she was occupied on the shoot, singing along with the track he'd helped them cut just yesterday, in fact it only made Jem _more_ alluring knowing what he knew now. His sweet, shy Jerrica had faced her fears to save a dozen girls, putting her own life as good as on hold to play the part of a genuine role model.

He'd turned away before she could see him watching her more times that he could count that morning, glad that they'd finished early so he could have his afternoon to himself.

Unlike Jem and the Holograms, who would be heading to fittings, Rio had to check on the album's production, the numbers, and the progress since Jerrica had promised delivery on such a tight time frame. The professionalism, despite the coolness, at the studio and on the set was working in their favor.

Leaving Jem to the Holograms, Rio did a quick check with the set director to ensure the tear down would go smoothly, before taking himself off to Starlight Music's headquarters. Once there, he went directly for the packing room to check on the status of the delivery that would need to take place inside the next seventy two hours if they hoped to meet the deadline.

From the packing center he headed for the bowels of the building - and nearly plowed Jerrica over as she was coming out of a storage room.

"Woah - watch it!'

Off balance, she reached for him even as he reacted instinctively to catch her, the end result was that she was in his arms, tucked close to his chest, Rio having spun to use the wall for support. Time seemed to stop for a heartbeat as she lifted her head, her eyes wide, and their gazes locked. Plastered against his chest, his arms about her in a protective hug, her breath hitched and stalled in her lungs.

This close there was no denying the strain both of them were under - or that it would eventually snap; the question was simply when and where.

With effort, Rio straightened and time seemed to resume, carefully peeling his hands away from their natural resting place and desperately trying to ignore just how _good_ it had felt to hold her again. Circumstances aside, he struggled to let her go even as he was putting her back on her feet.

The _rightness_ of her in his arms hadn't changed and it was unsettling.

Ignoring all of that, he looked at her critically. After he'd left the stage, he'd thought the band had other appointments. His question was civil and not unkind. "I thought you had fittings to attend."

"Jem is easy to outfit," Jerrica returned, her voice not quite steady, her gaze shifting away uncomfortably. "Shana designs and makes all our costumes so I can always do it later."

"Convenient - being the same size and all."

"Yeah; convenient." Her lips twisted, not quite making it into a smile. "Sorry I got in your way, I'll just-"

"Were you looking for something?"

Jerrica's gaze flew back to his at question before darting away again. "No, just... reminiscing. I'll s-see you later." With no more courtesy than that, Jerrica turned and fled, darting up the stairs behind him.

Rio let her go before slumping back against the wall he'd been using for support and rubbing both hands over his face, still trying to banish the _feel_ of her from them. He should have let her fall, should have made no move to catch her - except it wasn't in him to do so. He'd never liked watching her hurt and while he couldn't yet ford the emotional rift between them, it went against his nature to let her fall if he could save her.

Which bespoke the true root of his problem; despite her deception and lies, he still cared for her - still... still _loved_ her.

_There,_ he thought peevishly, turning to the storage room she'd come from. _I admit it; the reason this is so hard is because I still love her - because I'll probably _always_ love her... deception or not._

But, if that was the case, what kind of man did that make him? He'd grown up with deceptions, lies and half-truths; surrounded by promises that were always broken. He'd learned early that he _never_ wanted to be someone who disappointed other people - or tolerated it in others.

Could anything good come of it even if he _could _do it? Could he _choose_ to live like that again? Go back to living with the lies and deceptions even if the reason was to help people? Could any good _really _come from this in the long run? Could he actively live with himself if he went against everything he'd believed for so long simply because he loved _Jerrica_?

_And what happens when it ends, when she's unmasked - because she _will_ be unmasked eventually._

It was a good question and one he didn't have answers to.

Shaking away the uneasiness, he stepped into the storage room, looking around as he did. Several boxes had been disturbed, the dust on the table showing where Jerrica had placed them. Foregoing the stool she'd have needed, he lifted the first box down and peaked inside.

Pictures; proofs of company advertizing materials - almost all of them featuring her father. _Reminiscing?_ He was about to put the box back when a carefully wrapped something in the corner nearest to him caught his eye. Placing the box on the table, he opened it up further and pulled the wrapped frame - for upon touching it there was no doubt what it could be - and flipped it over.

The cloth covering it fell away and Rio froze, his own likeness staring back at him. It was an image of Jerrica's father, Jerrica and himself, the old man having his arms around them both and smiling. He and Jerrica looked amused, but tolerant, their arms around the senior Benton and - what the camera hadn't captured - their hands intertwined on his back. No doubt part of the reason Mr. Benton had looked so happy.

Reminiscing.

Right.

Re-wrapping the photograph, he put it back before replacing the box on the shelf. He took down the next one and then the next one, opening each one in turn and finding other mementos of Jerrica's father and them. Mostly old photographs; a few news releases, the high school graduation photos of he and she and a shot of the Bentons upon the grand opening of the first Starlight house.

Jerrica was nothing more than a blonde imp of maybe two years old - and it made him smile, reaching out to touch the photograph before he realized what he was doing. Once upon a time, before Mr. Benton had passed away, they'd been teased about how their own little girl would undoubtedly look like her mother. And even now Rio, heaven help him, had no trouble picturing Jerrica with said little girl in her arms standing next to him.

No matter how unlikely it seemed at that moment.

Shaking away the unwelcome mental image, he repacked the boxes and replaced them, sinking to the nearby stool while staring blankly at the wall. Their pasts were so intertwined it was hard to see a future without her; and hard to understand how she'd kept her secret for so long. Unbidden, Synergy's question from Jem's unveiling popped into his mind.

_Did she deceive you because you were too blind to see the truth or because you wished to be deceived? _

For the first time he considered the query, _really_ considered it as he hadn't before.

_Had she?_

He'd suspected initially because he'd never seen Jerrica and Jem in the same places, but it had been a half formed notion and one he'd almost immediately dismissed outright because he'd _trusted_ Jerrica. Initially he'd had trouble reconciling the fact he was drawn to two such different women - and they to him - in such eerily similar fashions. Only now did he realize he must have been picking up on the subtle hints the _real_ Jerrica had been sending his way.

He should have realized it for himself; trusted his own conclusions - but he hadn't; because Jerrica had Synergy and Synergy tipped the scales against him. Still, the signs had all been there for him to see and he hadn't believed his own senses. So what did that make him exactly?

_A trusting fool._

_Yes,_ he conceded to himself, _it does; but with good reason._

Bracing his elbows on his knees he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling without seeing it.

Jerrica knew of his past; she'd been through parts of it with him. She'd been aware of his aversion to lies and deception - his inability to tolerate them. She'd been aware; and she'd done it anyway, no matter what was _supposed_ to have been. She'd done it, continued to be with him - in both guises - deliberately disregarding his beliefs.

Yet, she'd done it for a dozen good reasons; unbidden, the faces of the girls at the Starlight foundation rose to mind. With a soft groan, Rio rubbed his hands over his face again and attempted to banish the images - but they wouldn't leave. Here, in the dusty storage room, he was forced to ask himself a difficult question - and seek an answer.

What would have happened to those twelve beautiful girls if Jerrica _hadn't_ stepped up to become Jem? The brutal truth, much as he didn't want to acknowledge it?

Eric Raymond would have dissolved Starlight house, banishing those girls to other foster homes and separating them likely for good. The money for Starlight house would have then been allocated back into the company for the Misfits and Eric Raymond's pockets.

And Jerrica?

He exhaled heavily, unable to see anything but the truth - for all her deceptions, Jerrica was fundamentally still the same girl he'd grown up with. The dissolution of her home and its purpose - a purpose she'd _lived_ - would have killed her. Knowing that, how could he truly hold being Jem against her?

How could he not?

At some point, since her revelation, deceptions had ceased being as black and white as he'd always believed and become a scale of grays he couldn't see through. "This is all so convoluted," he muttered softly to himself.

Yes, he still loved her - but how could he honestly be with her knowing what he knew; knowing she hadn't trusted him? At least, not completely.

Little things were filtering in now that his anger and hurt had settled somewhat; like how Jerrica had begged him to be Jem's road manager even after he'd tried to beg off. She hadn't told him the whole truth, but she'd turned to him as she had been for a long time, counting on him in ways few other people did. That alone had been a leap of faith; her way of showing she _did_ trust him with something far more precious than her identity.

And he'd blown it.

With a wince, Rio realized that Jerrica's concerns about his attractions to Jem had been valid; _more_ than valid. He couldn't really blame her for exiling Jem to a memory for the few weeks before the Glitter and Gold competition had played a part in her resurrection. If he'd been in her position, believing another man had captured her attention, he might have done the same thing.

Except he hadn't.

And the crux of it was, he _had_ been in her position and he felt compelled, vindicated even, to cast stones at her.

"God, what a mess."

Pushing to his feet, he couldn't help the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that came with the self-realization. Jerrica had lied to him, yes, but he'd lied to her too; in _two_ separate guises - all for his own gain. For someone who hated lies as much as he did, the realization it made him a hypocrite, just as he'd been accused of being, almost made him sick to his stomach.

He owed her an apology for his behavior over the last year and his own deception; an apology he couldn't yet bring himself to make because he couldn't yet forgive _hers_.

_I'm an idiot_, he lamented, putting everything back where he'd found it before turning to the door. But knowing it didn't stem the pain of her betrayal or alleviate it. How could it? For all they'd lied to each other, he'd been blindsided by her admission where she'd known about his from day one. It didn't make it right, but it did tip the scales in her favor.

_Why didn't she call me on it?_

Even as he asked himself the question, he knew the answer; because she'd intended to tell him from the start. By the time she'd been forced to continue the charade and, at Synergy's insistence, keep her identity from _him_, the ground work had already been laid. Jem, because she was Jerrica, couldn't turn away from him – even if he'd been inclined to let her try.

And, once established, there'd been no going back.

But where, he wondered silently, would that leave _them_? For no matter how draw he was to Jerrica regardless of who she pretended to be, he couldn't continue pursuing both women - even if they were the same one. It had already been commented upon, magazines and talk shows had speculated since Jem's arrival about his relationship with both women.

Would it only get worse now that he couldn't consciously separate the two? For he'd realized just that morning while watching Jerrica masquerade as Jem that he could no longer think of them as separate women. Different side of _his_ woman, yes, but not separate entities.

As he headed for the stairs, still struggling to come to some kind of personal resolution, to _accept_ the situation, Rio realized something else. A mess didn't begin to cover what was happening between he and Jerrica.

But it was a good place to start.


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 11**

"I don't get how Rio can just _forget_ his relationship with Jerrica over this," Kimber slumped into the overstuffed chair in the living room, Aja and Shana on the couch across from her.

Jerrica had, unexpectedly, decided to take the foster girls on an outing. A surprise that had been welcome except for the fact she'd done it without letting her sisters know and, as a result, had left them out of it. Knowing Jerrica was throwing herself into her work, and now apparently the Starlight Foundation, in an effort to deal with the Rio situation, didn't help matters. It just meant the Holograms needed to come up with a way to get the two talking and fast.

"I don't think he's forgotten it," Aja interjected as she stretched her arms over her head. The day's shoot had been killer; effective, but hard. "I think he's as hurt as she is."

"Then he should get his head out of his ass and realize what he's got."

"Kimber!"

She made a face. "Sorry Shana, but that's how I feel. He claimed to love Jerrica; why does this matter?"

Aja and Shana exchanged looks before Aja slid from the chair of the couch to the seat proper. "Kimber, what do you remember about when Rio first started hanging around?"

"Aside from the fact that my older sister suddenly didn't have time for me?" Her grin was cheeky. "I remember the day she introduced him as her boyfriend."

"Do you remember the day your dad hired him on?"

"At Starlight music? Sure. Jerrica couldn't talk about anything else for weeks!"

The girls shared a laugh and a smile before Shana brought them back to topic. "I meant here, to do odd jobs."

"Rio never... wait, maybe? Didn't he have longer hair back then?" Kimber thought about it for a moment before pulling her hair forward to cover one eye with a giggle. "And wore it like this? I remember thinking he was a fashion disaster."

"Right," Aja's smile faded. "It wasn't a fashion thing, though."

"Then why wear it like that, it looked awful!"

"Kimber," Shana chided with a soft shake of her head. "Why would anyone wear their hair like that?"

"Are you saying he was hiding something?"

"Bruises," Shana confirmed. "Working here and then at Starlight Music let him escape. That he was Jerrica's boyfriend only meant he had an excuse to spend more time here than ever."

"He didn't become her boyfriend because he was-"

"No," Aja's tone was sharp, but soften instantly. "Never think it. I think Jerrica was what saved him."

"Then how can he just walk away now, especially when she needs him?" Kimber pushed to her feet, beginning to pace. "It's like... like watching... like..." she foundered and she sighed in exasperation. "Words are my living, you'd think a comparison would be easy!"

"It's like watching a beach without sand." Shana supplied.

"Or the Moon without stars." Aja agreed.

"You're both wrong," Kimber returned, her lips pressed together in a thin line. "It's like watching a plan without sunshine." Shana and Aja nodded, agreeing, but Kimber wasn't finished. "A frog without land; a ship without the sea; a turtle without a shell. They're _part _of each other; better together and he can't see that!"

"It's not that he can't see it, Kimber," Aja made a face. "I can't believe I'm defending him, but I watched him today while we were filming. Rio's never had an easy time of trusting."

"Especially with his background," Shana jumped in. "He never knew who to believe until Jerrica. Now Jerrica's had this secret and broken his trust; we all knew she should have told him from the start. He wouldn't have liked it, but I think he'd have been on board if it was to save the girls."

"Then how come he can't be on board now?" Kimber turned, putting her back to the wall by the doorway and crossing her arms over her chest. "You'd think helping people is a bad thing the way he turned on her; on us!"

Shana and Aja exchanged looks again. "He didn't turn on us, Kimber," Aja's words were reluctant, "Rio's issue was with the Jem deception. We Holograms have never pretended to be anyone we're not."

"Well, he _should_ be mad at us," Kimber retorted, tipping her head back against the wall in an unconscious echo of one of Jerrica's traits. "We helped keep her identity a secret."

"At her insistence." Shana exhaled on a long sigh. "They need to work this out between themselves; interfering isn't making it any easier on either of them."

Kimber's head snapped down and she glared at the other Holograms. "I can't believe you guys are taking his side!"

"We're not, Kimber," holding up a placating hand, Aja shook her head. "But we can't just look at it from Jerrica's. It's bigger than just her."

"But she'd _hurting_, Aja! Hurting so bad I can hear her crying in her _sleep_ - when she sleeps. I'm worried about her."

"We all are," agreed Shana. "I hate watching from the sidelines, but she won't let us help. We haven't been asked and we can't step in any more than we already have. If we do, we could drive them apart for good."

"But if we do nothing, Jerrica might just waste away! She hasn't slept since the night they broke up and you both know it!"

"I doubt he's slept much either, " Aja pointed out. "Both of them are under a lot of strain."

"And Rio's not nearly as cold as he's been," Shana mused. "At least he wasn't today; didn't you guys seem him watching Jem on set?"

Aja and Kimber exchanged looks and shook their heads.

Shana whistled and smiled. "You should have. If Anthony was looking at _me_ like that..."

"Really? You're not just saying that?"

Shana shook her head, unable to wipe the grin from her lips. "Not just saying it, Kimber. Rio was watching her like a man in the desert who'd just seen an oasis and didn't know what to do with it. I don't think getting on his case right now is the best thing we can do; I think if we leave him alone, he'll come around."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"Then he doesn't." Aja's blunt appraisal was almost dejected. "And we'll be here for Jerrica. But if Shana's right and she saw what she thought she saw, it bodes well for him eventually coming to terms with this."

"Jerrica can't take 'eventually' guys!"

"What's this about Jerrica?"

The trio turned almost guiltily to find Mrs. Bailey in the doorway, a tray in hand, her brow knit together. She pinned each of them with a look before bustling in to slide the tray on the table and crossed her arms over her chest. "Is there something going on here that I should know about what with the way that girl's been moping about and clamped up tighter than a clam?"

The Holograms exchanged looks. Mrs. Bailey didn't know about the Jem deception, but she wasn't blind and only a blind man would have missed Jerrica's desolation. Kimber reluctantly offered the information no one had yet told the girls or this motherly woman; and they should have confided in _her_ some time ago.

"Rio broke up with Jerrica, Mrs. Bailey."

"What!"

Shana rose to her feet to guide the stricken looking housekeeper to a nearby chair before she fell down, the announcement having drained the blood from her face.

"It's true, Mrs. Bailey," Aja confirmed, moving closer and pouring a cup of the tea she'd brought. "Last week."

"Last..." Mrs. Bailey lifted her hands to her cheeks. "Landsakes, that girl's been nursing a broken heart and I didn't even know."

"She doesn't want _anyone_ to know," Kimber admitted miserably. "We know because we found her after... after it happened, but she doesn't want to upset the girls or anything so she's trying to be strong."

"I thought she looked more worn out than normal, but I put it down to this big Jem revival album mess and now this... Oh Kimber; your father would be rolling in his grave!"

Aja pressed a cup of tea into the housekeeper's hands. "We know, Mrs. Bailey, but they have to sort this out on their own."

Her head snapped up to pin the trio with a look even as her fingers folded around the mug. "Not when Rio is a silent partner in Starlight, you don't."

"What?"

The three let loose near identical exclamations of dismay.

Mrs. Bailey's lips had thinned in a show of temper that wasn't shown in her hands as she lifted her cup and took a bracing gulp of the hot beverage. She didn't so much as flinch as she placed the cup back on the table and pushed to her feet, smoothing down her apron. "That's right; your father, Kimber, knew that you and Jerrica would be in good hands regardless, but there are stocks to Starlight music that you don't have access too."

"Daddy made Jerrica and I co-owners," protested Kimber. "Fifty-fifty."

Mrs. Bailey was already shaking her head. "Forty-forty; the other twenty percent belongs to Rio. He figured when Jerrica and Rio married - yes _when_ - they'd have controlling interest and the option to buy you out if you didn't want an interest in the company. It only _looks_ like you and Jerrica each own half the company."

The girls exchanged looks.

"How is it that Jerrica doesn't know about this," Aja inquired curiously, "but _you_ do."

"How else would I know?" Sniffed Mrs. Bailey. "Mr. Benton left the stocks in my possession in case the company was audited and they were found to be missing."

"Does Rio know he owns a part of Starlight Music?"

"Not just the company, he's a partner in the charity too. This," the housekeeping waved to indicate the mansion, "_all _of this is as much a part of his inheritance, courtesy of Mr. Benton, as it is Kimber and Jerrica's."

"Oh wow, Jerrica's going to flip."

"We can't tell her."

"What?" Shana turned an incredulous stare on Aja. "You've gotta be crazy; we _have_ to tell her."

"None of you will be telling her anything," ordered Mrs. Bailey, crossing her arms over her chest and pinning the trio with a stern look. "Mr. Benton, God rest his soul, put them in my keeping to give to him when _I _deemed fit... or on their wedding day; whichever comes first."

"At this rate they might not ever be married."

"I don't believe that and neither do you, Kimber Benton," regally tilting her head, Mrs. Bailey leaned down to collect the tea service that had barely been touched. "Rio and Jerrica may be having a bad patch but just you watch. Mark my words those two will be an item again and they'll be stronger for this nonsense when all is said and done."

Aja blinked as the housekeeping swept from the room, sagging against the sofa and not moving from the floor where she'd sat to comfort Mrs. Bailey. "Is it just me, or do surprises keep coming at us from all angles?"

Silence was loud in the room for several long minutes before Kimber giggled, drawing the gaze of the other Holograms.

"I don't see what's funny about this, Kimber."

"Don't you, Aja?" A mischievous grin spread across the younger Benton's lips. "Rio's vowed to have nothing to do with us when his contract is up, providing they don't reconcile before then that is, but if he goes to walk away, Mrs. Bailey is going to reel him back in like a fish with the gift dad left for him. He'll feel so guilty he'll stay, which means he'll probably make nice with Jerrica again; he'll have to!"

"If he'd still mad at her after his contract ends, I think they'll be bigger problems, Kimber."

Kimber waved away Shana's concern. "I, for one, hope this is all settled by the time the Glitter and Gold contest is done. If Rio's watching Jem the way you say, then I'm going to keep a closer eye on him. Maybe he's coming around."

"And maybe he'd planning his escape," offered Aja, trying to temper the younger girl's excitement. "It hasn't been that long since he learned her secret."

"He's had a week; if he loves her like we all know he does, shouldn't that be enough time?"

Shana stood and moved to wrap her arm about Kimber's shoulders. "When you find the man for you, sweetie, you'll learn some day that love isn't all smooth sailing. There will be ups and downs but, like Mrs. Bailey said, if a couple can work through it, they'll be stronger for it."

"I'm afraid all any of us can do is love and support her," Aja sighed with a shake of her head. "Jerrica and Rio need to sort this out themselves."

Kimber's shoulders sagged under Shana's arm and she seemed to wilt. "I guess... but now we've got another secret he's not going to like."

"Which is why you father probably entrusted it to Mrs. Bailey," Shana told her with a squeeze. "Even Rio couldn't be mad at _her_!"

They shared a laugh before Shana deliberately turned their discussion to the fashions she was designing for their new look. Letting her, the other two Holograms enthusiastically crowded around her sketch book to make comments and offer suggestions. They were still there, several hours later, when Jerrica brought the girls home from their outting.

With a smile and a laugh, they drew her into the discussion, exchanging looks that said it all.

If they couldn't help by getting involved, then they'd help by distracting her as best they could and maybe, just maybe, they'd be able to coax a smile from her. A _real_ smile; the one that had been missing since Rio's desertion.

It wasn't much of a goal, but it was one that was within their power to grasp.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:** You can thank the wonderful month of November [National Novel Writing Month] for reviving this Muse *grin* for it was what pushed me to jump back into this story. 3 or possibly 4 parts left and they won't be as long in coming as this one was ;)

Thanks for reading and sorry for the delay!

* * *

**Part 12**

The next series of recording and production sets went off without a hitch and, in no time, the new video was ready to air; the same day that Jerrica was informed the records were ready to be distributed to the stores. Buoyed by the success of the endeavor thus far, she'd been looking for something to hold her attention beyond her paperwork.

Which, when she was honest with herself, she could admit wasn't working.

The Rio situation, as her sister called it, had been going on for long enough that she was no longer numb and only wished she was.

He'd been included in the video, as he was not only their Manager but - as Shana had reluctantly pointed out - complimented Jem's outrageous looks with his own. Not to mention they hadn't anyone else at that short notice; Rio had neglected to book someone as he was usually used as an extra. It hadn't, he'd admitted when Aja had inquired as to who would be doing the scenes with Jem, even thought about it.

Those scenes had been the hardest to shoot with any degree of comfort and, for the sake of professionalism, she'd put aside her personal feelings and _become_ Jem in a way she'd never done before. If Rio had needed proof she was a professional, he had it now; except the whole time, underneath that shielding hologram, Jerrica's heart had been racing.

Holding his hand; being held in his arms; kissing him – all for the cameras – had been a kind of sweet torture; a reminder of everything she'd lost.

Being Jem had never been so hard.

That was how she found herself, the evening before the early release of their video on Lindsay Pierce's show, packing the last of the records to be delivered to Destiny Records for morning. The _Glitter and Gold_ single had already been sent out to be aired before its release and was, she knew, burning up the airwaves at every opportunity.

No expense had been spared to promote this Album; Jerrica refused to lose to Eric and his pack of jackals. No matter that her personal life was in shambles, she wasn't going to let the girls depending on her down. The Holograms had been unwavering in their support of her and Rio and their expressed desire that they'd be able to work through all of this and get back together. Kimber had even gone so far as to express to the others, with Jerrica accidently eavesdropping, that if she and Rio survived this and got back together, there would be nothing that could tear them apart.

It had been a nice sentiment, but her sister didn't understand the depths to which her betrayal of Rio's trust actually hit. Unintentional initially perhaps, but she could acknowledge what she'd done.

Staring at the box she was packing without really seeing it, her hands curled around the edges.

For shooting the video Rio had been professionalism in itself, but he, like her, hadn't been able to hide the effects being together had wrought. He'd been forced to pretend he still loved her before the camera, and she him - except she hadn't been pretending.

"Why isn't this, which should be so very simple, ever easy?"

Giving herself a shake, her own voice having knocked her free of her dark musings, she resumed packing the records she'd promised Mr. Beech. It didn't take long, less than an hour, before the last of the boxes was packed and she went about sealing them. The task was mundane and uncomplicated but it was physical labor that would tire her out enough to sleep later which was what she was hoping for.

Sealing another series of boxes with the packing tape, she didn't even have to concentrate as her thoughts wandered to the _whys_ she was still at was already late and everyone else had undoubtedly gone home, but, after being forced to work with him in such close proximity, she knew herself well enough to know she'd lie in bed all night staring at the ceiling - which is what she'd been doing before coming back to work - if she didn't do _something_.

When she was done, if she was really lucky, she wouldn't dream about him; wouldn't think about him; wouldn't-

"Jerrica."

Box in hand, she nearly dropped it as she spun, _his_ voice coming at her from the doorway. "Rio!"

His expression was blank, but Jerrica had been watching him enough these past days to know he wasn't unaffected. He was simply hiding it as she was; only better.

She put the box she'd been about to carry to the van back on the table before she dropped it and struggled for professionalism. "Sorry," her voice was level, but it cost her as she turned to face him again. "Was there something you needed, Mister Pacheco?"

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

It wasn't the question she was expecting. "I tried," she returned tightly. "I couldn't."

"Not sleeping isn't going to help when you're on the talk show tomorrow." He stepped into the room. "You might say something you don't intend to."

"Like what; that you're not talking to me?" She shot him a look, hoping her heart wasn't on her sleeve, and turned back to the box. She pushed it aside before reaching for the next one to seal. "Oh wait; you're on speaking terms with _Jem_ so why would I mention that?"

"Jerrica, if you're not careful you could give yourself away and then what would happen?"

She paused in the middle of pressing the tape against the box flaps, closing her eyes against the sting of tears. If she'd wanted proof that Rio had accepted her role as Jem, beyond what he'd given the other night at his house, she had it.

"I've manage to fool everyone until now, Rio," tears colored her voice, making it deeper than before, but she refused to let him see. "Even you. If _you_ couldn't tell the difference between us up close, no one else has a chance of making the connection."

"You're not infallible."

"No; I'm not." Swallowing hard, Jerrica determinedly opened her eyes and finished sealing the box before pushing that one aside and reaching for the next one. "But I have Synergy on my side and, if need be, she can project an image of Jerrica."

"You _are_ Jerrica," his exasperation was a surprise, drawing her head up to look at him with wide eyes. "Doesn't it seem odd to you to refer to yourself in the third person?"

Not for a long time, she realized. It had become so second nature with the length of her deception that she hadn't even been aware she was doing it. "What do you care, Rio?"

He was silent for a moment. "It can't be healthy to do this, haven't you considered that?"

She hadn't, but then, she had been Jem for so long now, and it was no longer an issue. "Not since we started this thing," she told him honestly with a shake of her head. "I've gotten used to being me… and not being me. It was necessary to ensure the illusion was as real as it could be otherwise everyone would know of it."

"It's not something to be proud of."

"Which part," she ducked her head back to her task, her words clipped, her movements jerky as she deliberately ran another line of tape across the boxes before her. "The part where I had to pick up the pieces of my father's business because Eric Raymond wanted to drive them into the ground after his death? Or the part where I became solely responsible for a dozen foster girls and did whatever was necessary to ensure they had the stability my sisters and I had growing up?" She couldn't look at him. "Which part shouldn't I be proud of, Rio? Everything happened so fast, I haven't even had a chance to properly mourn my father," her throat closed, as she finally looked up, choking on the end of the sentence, "have you thought about that?"

The tense silence between them mounted as they stared at one another but it was Rio who made the first move; a surprising move. He stepped towards her, carefully lifting one hand and reaching towards her. Jerrica flinched but didn't retreat as his thumb came to rest on her cheek, stroking away a tear she hadn't even realized she'd shed.

"I didn't know," he told her evenly, "I thought..." with a shake of his head he dropped his hand and stepped back. "Just one more thing you couldn't share, huh?"

"When would I have?" she asked raggedly. "When you and I were together, you were almost always talking about Jem; if it wasn't where she was, you had anecdotes to tell about things that happened during the day while you believed I was working elsewhere. Do you... do you have _any_ idea how hard that was? To know I couldn't tell you; to know I had to grin and bear it all the while _wishing _you would say something, _anything_, to show you cared about _me_ and not _her_?"

Jerrica put her hand up, forestalling whatever the dark expression on his face foretold. "It's not your fault you didn't know about Jem, Rio; it's mine. What _is_ your fault, is that you were so blinded by Jem that didn't look close enough to see how _I_ was feeling about the whole situation. _You_ could have asked how I was doing; _you_ could have asked to spend time with me instead of raving about Jem!"

"Jerrica-"

"No." She turned, cutting him off with a snapped denial and picking up the stack of boxed records, anger feeling good after such a desolate run. Feeling _anything_ besides her pain felt good. "For all you're mad at me about my deception, I've not forgiven you about yours."

Leaving him behind, she turned towards the door that would take her to the loading dock where the blue Starlight van sat waiting with its doors open, mostly packed already. She reached the door before Rio spoke next and it wasn't the question she expected.

"Where are you going?"

Pausing long enough to shoot him a look, her words were terse. "The contest starts tomorrow and I guaranteed delivery of the records for the opening."

"Here; I'll help."

"Don't bother," she shot back waspishly, leaving him behind. "I can do it myself."

Despite the tension between them and the frustration, Rio helped her anyway.

Jerrica was turning to collect the last of the records and nearly jumped out of her skin when he stepped up beside her and placed the final stack in the car. She hadn't heard him coming.

"Just because you're angry with me, doesn't mean I can't help," he admonished, the lines around his mouth showing his own displeasure. "Hurting yourself to spite me isn't going to solve anything."

"Heaven forbid it take _Jem_ out of the picture," reaching around him, she slammed the doors and headed for the driver's side.

"Where are you going?"

"I guaranteed delivery for morning!" Tossing back the reminder over her shoulder, she climbed into the van and started the engine as she hit the remote control for lifting the dock overhead door. "They'll get them _tonight_."

"Be reasonable, Jerrica, you can't go alone; it's after midnight and that part of town is dangerous!"

Revving the engine as the door finished opening, she hung her head out the window. "Don't concern yourself, Mister Pacheco! I can take care of myself!"

Leaving Rio in her dust, Jerrica sped from the loading dock, running as much from Rio as from what she'd just done. She couldn't believe him, but worse, she couldn't believe herself despite how good it had felt giving back some of the anger he'd been treating her to these last few days.

Served him right!

Fuming, but appalled, she turned onto the main drag even as she considered going back - most of this was her own fault, not Rio's and she couldn't stand the thought of having hurt him worse - when a car suddenly appeared in her rearview mirror with three tough looking brutes, the tires squealing on the pavement.

Rushing up on her from behind, the driver lay on his horn and Jerrica pulled into the right lane to let him go by; which he did and didn't. Pulling up beside the Starlight van, the toughs in the passenger side and rear seat pulled out bats, slamming them against the side of her vehicle.

A harsh command was given over the sound of the banging. _"Pull over!"_

Not liking the look of them, Jerrica turned down the next right road, as quickly as she dared to avoid flipping the van and then took a hard left. The thugs stayed with her as she came back out on the drag, bumping into the van with their car and slamming it with the bats again.

She pushed down on the accelerator, trying to outrun them, but the sports car they drove was faster, sliding into the lane in front of her and skidding, sliding to its side and coming to a halt across the deserted lanes. A reactive scream escaped her lips as she slammed on the breaks to avoid plowing into the car. Her brakes locked up, shrieking and grinding, the van sliding, the car growing ever larger in her windshield as she put all her weight on the pedal and willed hers to stop.

It did, but only barely.

Gasping in a breath, Jerrica closed her eyes and silently thanked whomever was watching out for her for the small mercy.

It didn't last though as the tri of toughs piled out of the car, baseball bats in hand, and approached. Adrenaline coursing through her veins as fear spiked within her, Jerrica waited, knowing they'd try to haul her from the vehicle, not able to fathom why they'd chosen her, but determined not to be a cooperative victim.

Bright white skulls were emblazoned on their shaved heads, visible as they drew closer and Jerrica fought the urge to run.

_Not yet_, she told herself sternly, knowing she had to time this carefully if she wanted to escape all three and whatever fate they had in store for her. _Not yet; let them get closer._

Which they did, two coming towards the driver side door, the other going around to the passenger side; she lost sight of him as the time to act was suddenly upon her. Jerrica shifted, turning in her seat and hitting the door control as she planted both feet into the door, swinging it outwards to connect with the first thug and knocking him backwards and down as he gripped his head in pain.

Jumping out of the van, she followed up with a solid kick to the knee of the other one, making him yelp as he stumbled, reaching to catch her but missing.

Seeing her chance, Jerrica fled, racing away from the duo and towards the back of the van. She was just clearing the end when strong arms grabbed her with a menacing laugh, one sliding about her waist and pinning her arms, the other covering her mouth before she could scream.

"Where do you think you're going, sister?"

"She'll pay for that," the one she'd kicked in the leg declared, hobbling forward to grip her chin painfully under the hold of the first one. "The boss didn't say anything about just scaring her; I think she owes us something more."

"Do what wes was paid for," the one holding her snapped. "She can entertain us later if there's time."

"They'll be time," assured the last of the trio as he picked himself up off the ground, wiping the blood from his face. "We're gonna _make _time. I bleed, you bleed, baby. Just you wait!"

"Gimmie a hand with this," the one at the van's rear doors called, "we can all play later."

Jerrica struggled against the grip on her, knowing she had to get away before they finished whatever they'd come to do; Rio had been right. This had been a foolish risk, one she never should have taken no matter how hurt and angry she'd been.

The doors to the van were flung wide and the two toughs swept the first row of boxes to the ground, slamming their baseball bats into the boxes with a sickening crunching sound of vinyl breaking.

The records – the _records_! No – they couldn't… but they were. Eric had to be behind it, the 'boss' they'd spoken about and Jerrica renewed her thrashing, her feet hanging off the ground, trying to kick her captor, to bite him, anything to make him loosen her hold and let her go.

She couldn't let them destroy the records so much of herself had gone into; her break with Rio couldn't be for naught! Yet, no matter how she tried, the man holding her didn't give her an inch and she was forced to watch as all her and the band's hard work was systematically destroyed.

The sound of smashing continued as they pushed the next stack into the already broken one, slamming the bats into the boxes with vigor and delight.

And then Rio showed up.

He didn't give them a chance, snagging the bat from the hands of the tough the furthest from the van, he swung it immediately and sent the man sprawling, unconscious across the pile of wrecked records. "Let go of the girl!"

Jerrica's heart leapt into her throat as she renewed her bid for freedom, wanting to tell him to run, that he couldn't take them all on - except he was one on one with the still conscious thug and coming to her rescue, his dark eyes spitting menace and even the toughs were given pause for a moment.

But only a moment before they found their bravado again. "Make us, tough guy."

"Batter up," Rio tapped the bat into one open palm as the thug still holding his bat came in swinging. The bats connected with the _crack_ of wood hitting wood, the men glaring at one another over the locked weapons. Rio pushed back, throwing the larger man away with surprising strength before coming in with a sharp jab.

The man holding her released her face unexpectedly, the soft _snick_ of something metal clicking into place making her gasp, crying out as a cool, sharp edge touched the column of her neck. "Rio!"

Before her, the tough Rio was fighting had doubled over, the breath whooshing from his lungs, and Rio kicked the bat away before following up with one to the fallen man's head. The ruffian hit the ground hard next to his buddy before Rio turned to the one holding Jerrica. Their eyes locked for the briefest of moments and Jerrica could read his fear for _her_ in their depths. Their gazes broke as his dropped to her neck – and the knife the one holding her had pulled. "Let her go."

She and Rio might have fought, still be fighting, but he'd come after her; he'd come to ensure she was safe.

"Drop the bat."

"Once you let her go."

"I could just slit her pretty little neck right here."

"Do it and they'll be no sewer you could crawl into that's deep enough to escape," Rio promised coldly.

The toughs on the ground began to stir, Rio looking from one to the other and then back to the one holding her prisoner. "Get up," the one holding her snapped, no doubt talking to the two on the ground. "We're done here."

"Give me the girl."

The sound of sirens could be heard somewhere in the distance closing in on their position as the two on the ground suddenly jerked to life, scrambling off the pile of wrecked vinyl and making a dash for their. The one holding her tightened his grip, sliding one hand obscenely across her body as she stiffened, the knife ensuring she didn't put up much of a fight. "A shame; I was looking forward to better times."

With a spin and a push, he sent her flying across the pile of debris, slipping and tripping as Rio dropped the bat to catch her with a lunge just before she'd have hit the ground. The squealing of spinning tires made her flinch as she was drawn close to Rio's chest, his grip on her as tight as the thug's had been but with one exception; her own as just as tight on him.

"I've got ya," he murmured against her ear, his breath feathering across her cheek. "You're safe now."

"Rio." It was all she could manage as the trembling began and the reality of what had just occurred, and what she'd just marginally escaped, settling in with blinding speed. _"Rio."_

They clung to one another, his head tucked into the curve of her neck, hers tight against the side of his, and Jerrica took solace and strength from his arms. He'd always been her rock, her Knight, her bulwark and she needed him in that moment the way she always had.

Closing her eyes, she hugged him tightly, too afraid to even think about what more could have happened if he'd not come along; if he'd not, she realized, _followed_ her. His scent was familiar, calming, _soothing_ and she breathed in deeply, letting the reality wash through her. She was in Rio's arms again, even if for a moment, and the sensation of _rightness _about it, despite the circumstance surrounding it, was staggering

"You followed me."

"I had to," he admitted, lifting his head. His grip on her eased, letting her feet touch the ground, though he didn't release her completely. His gaze searched her face. "I lived on these streets once; I know what can happen."

"What almost did happen."

"It didn't," he assured her, cupping her face in one hand and Jerrica could feel the way it trembled; he'd been afraid for her despite everything else they were going through. "It didn't and you're safe now."

Searching his gaze, she had the strongest urge to lean in and kiss him, to thank him the only way she felt she could; but didn't. She'd lost that privilege when he'd discovered the truth about Jem and the situation now certainly-

Rio let her go, his hands sliding from her body with a reluctance he couldn't hide and one that gave her hope; he _had_ to be feeling the same way she did, right? His eyes covered her face, dropping to the clear, unblemished skin of her neck, his brow furrowing as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "Are you _sure_ you're all right?"

"Thanks to you. I never thought-"

"Thought what?"

She looked away, wrapping her arms about herself with the loss of his touch and support. "I never thought you'd come after me after everything…after…"

There was silence between them for several long heartbeats where she wasn't sure he'd answer, seeing without seeing the devastation of the records she'd tried so hard to get ready – and all for nothing.

"I may be hurt," he finally answered, "and I may be mad, but that doesn't mean I can just… I can't just turn it off, Jerrica. Just because you hurt me doesn't mean I can stop caring about you."

Looking back to him, she could see the conflict, the torture on his expression and she nodded solemnly, her words a whisper. "Neither can I."

The police arrived on the scene and, as one, they turned to greet the cops without acknowledging or discussing the admission, neither ready to go further or ponder what it meant in the aftermath of what could have ended tragically. Their timing was perfect for there was no time for anything except answering questions.

But, as Jerrica described the attack and gave her statement, Rio drifted closer, offering his support and when she reached for him, needing his touch as tangible proof, needing the contact to go on, he was there, reaching back.


	13. Chapter 13

**Part 13**

"Joining me tonight is Jem and the Holograms as they're promoting the release of their new video and album," Lindsay Pierce grinned as the studio audience went wild, holding up her hand for silence as she looked into the video camera. "A lot of our viewers have been sending in questions for Jem ever since she made reappearance and are eager to know what her plans are and why, after months of silence, she's jumped back into the main stream."

She paused for a moment as the clips of Jem began to play, many of them including Rio.

"General speculation is that Jem and the head of Starlight Music, Jerrica Benton, had a falling out over Jem's Manager, Rio Pacheco; a man well known to be Jerrica Benton's longtime boyfriend. Hopefully tonight we'll be able to clear the air."

The video clips cut, going back to Lindsay's image and she smiled for the camera. "Now, the act you've all been waiting for, please welcome to the studio Jem and the Holograms!"

Screams and cheers went up as Kimber stepped out first, waving to the audience who began chanting her name. She blew them a kiss and walked over to shake Lindsay's hand before giving the newscaster a hug. Leaning in she said something to the anchor that wasn't caught on camera but that made both women grin. She took her seat before Aja appeared.

The guitarist grinned and waved, greeting the crowd as she headed towards Lindsay and then, much like Kimber, hugged her before taking her seat. More screams as Shana emerged, stopping to show off the new outfit she'd made specifically for the interview with a twirl. The applause increased, appreciative of the Hologram's flair for style, before she approached Lindsay and hugged her much as the pair before her.

All of the Holograms were seated before Jem appeared. The audience surged to their feet as she stepped through the curtain, sporting her new Glitter and Gold look. Chants and screams deafened those on stage as Jem held up both hands and waved. Like Kimber, she winked and blew kisses, stepping over to the crowd. The noise got impossibly louder as she stretched out her hands to the children near the front and bent down to embrace a couple of the younger ones.

Tears, blown kisses and cries of more were left in her wake as she moved back to the stage and went to greet Lindsay. Lindsay was grinning wildly; her studio hadn't been this packed since the last Jem appearance. She lifted her hands for silence after hugging Jem and letting her get seated.

It took quite a long time in television minutes before the screaming dropped to a 'normal' level and then down further as Lindsay, grinning, lifted her finger to her lips and made another motion for silence. It took another minute before it died to murmurs and whispers with the occasional cry that drew laughter.

Lindsay, unable to kill her smile, turned to the camera. "As you can see, Jem and the Holograms," another shriek and more laughter that quickly died, "are in the studio. Jem; welcome back – it's been awhile."

Smiling, Jem leaned forward. "I know and for that I apologize. I needed some time to regroup and relax… but now I'm back and we," she indicated the Holograms, "have a new album out."

"Not just a new album," Lindsay tugged on her collar, "a new look and a new sound, or so it seems. I've heard the new track folks, seen the video, and it's like nothing you've seen before!" Her attention turned back to the stars in her studio as another wave enthusiastic shrieks and cries washed through it. "What's the reason for such huge changes?"

Jem motioned to Kimber who waved and earned a shriek of her own. "We needed something new and edgy and totally outrageous for our comeback, Lindsay; we couldn't just do the same old thing, you know?"

"Is the rest of the album as exciting and upbeat as the title track?"

"Of course!" Her enthusiasm drew a laugh from the crowd. "While Jem was away, I had _tons_ of time to pen down lyrics, enough for a dozen albums really… of course," she winked at Lindsay, "I also took some time for me so I didn't spend it _all_ writing."

Good natured laughter followed the announcement and Lindsay, not to be caught off guard, fired back with an immediate question. "Lots of down time spent with your longtime boyfriend, Jeff Wright, is that right?"

Unabashedly, Kimber tossed her head. "Not as much as you'd think. He _does_ spoil me rotten though," she winked at the camera and blew a kiss. "For you sweetie!"

Laughing, Lindsay turned back to the members on the couch. "Not to be outdone, your outfits look fabulous. Shana, how much time did it take to create these exquisite showpieces?"

"I only wish it was as long as you think, Lindsay." Shana teased. "With Jem away, I admit to taking a few guilty pleasures. I relaxed, much like she did I'm sure, but I admit I didn't really have any idea we would be going to a new look until Jem returned with the idea of recording a new album for the Glitter and Gold contest."

"Really? Wasn't it difficult to come up with this look in such a short time?"

Laughing, Shana shook her head. "Hardly! Once I heard Kimber's new lyrics and the melodies started running through our fingers, the images just sprang to life. It wasn't so much as hard to come up with them as it was to get the ideas down on paper before they disappeared."

"As always, a dedicated artist," Lindsay assured her. "And Aja, word has it you've had quite the impact on this album; your finger work on the guitar is heard above and beyond what we've heard before."

"I've been practicing," she admitted with a half-smile. "But I think we've all got parts on this album that are better, that are _more_ than what we've done before. I wouldn't say I've made more of an impact than anyone else; this was definitely a team effort."

"Gracious as always," turning back to the camera, Lindsay caught sight of the cut sign. "We'll be right back, folks, after these messages."

The light cut out on the camera, showing that they were off the air, and the audience erupted in chants for Jem. Leaving the couches, Jem and her band headed for the audience and began to circulate, signing autographs, shaking hands and mingling with the children in particular. The crowd loved it, delighting in a chance to meet the band and their singer.

Jem and the Holograms stayed in the crowd for the duration of the commercial break before returning.

Settling themselves back on the stage as the camera men indicated it was just seconds before they would go live, Jem leaned over to speak with Kimber, shielding her lips from the camera; Kimber nodded just as they were given the five second signal.

"Welcome back, folks; as you know, my guests today as Jem and the Holograms-" Lindsay told the camera as she was given her cue, her grin returning as the crowd went wild, "-who have a new album out; Glitter and Gold. Jem, what made you decide to change your look for this album?"

"It wasn't a conscious choice," Jem returned easily, leaning back on the couch. "In fact, I don't think the decision was made until we all got together again to write the music."

"Then the new look has nothing to do with the tension between you and your long time Manager, Rio Pacheco? A way to, perhaps, take the group another direction?"

There was a moment's hesitation before Jem shook her head, seemingly at ease despite the awkward question. "Rio didn't have anything to do with the decision to modify our look for this album, Lindsay. He's been behind us all the way though; we'd never be able to do what we do without him."

"Then the rumors aren't true about the falling out between you and he? He's not planning to leave at the end of the year?"

"I'm afraid I don't know Rio's plans," offered Jem tightly. "But I do know if he were to leave, he'd be sorely missed. He's been invaluable."

"And the rumor that you're the reason he and Jerrica Benton are no longer an item?"

A hush crowd seemed to hush, eagerly awaiting her response. Jem, however, appeared to take it in stride, giving it serious thought. She finally lifted one shoulder in a seemingly careless shrug. "I can't speak for Rio's relationship Jerrica, but I know my relationship with Rio has been misconstrued. His appearance in my, in _our_ videos, has given rise to the fiction that there was something between us. I have nothing but the utmost respect for Rio and Jerrica and, if they are having trouble, I certainly hope it's not because of me."

"Do you-"

"Lindsay," Jem cut in before she could continue the line of questioning. "I realize that everyone likes to speculate on my love life, or lack there-of," she flashed a smile that held an edge, "but we're here to speak of the new album and promote the video. Everyone here's come to see it; we wouldn't want to disappoint them, now would we?"

Taking the hint, Lindsay graciously changed the line of questioning back to the video and album release.

Jem settled back in her chair as the Holograms jumped in to offer commentary and answer questions. What everyone failed to notice, despite the keen eyes on Jem through the interview, was that the fingers of one hand dug tightly into the sofa. Underneath the Jem hologram, that hand was white knuckled and bloodless as Jerrica fought to retain the insouciance that Jem was portraying.

The encounter the night before had shaken her in a lot of ways, and not just badly. Rio had shown he could support her, despite what she'd done to him, and it had given her hope. Hope that had been quickly dashed when they'd finished with the police and he'd withdrawn with their departure. After delivering the much depleted record stock to Discovery Records, they'd gone their separate ways, Rio shadowing her until she'd turned in at the Starlight Mansion, but not stopping.

With the emotional highs and lows of that morning, Jerrica knew she'd completely lost her perspective and posing as Jem was dangerous, even if it was unavoidable. So distracted, there was a better chance of a slip up.

Somehow she made it through the interview, returning to the audience after the showing of the video to sign more autographs and greet the fans. It was followed by more of the same outside the studio before the Holograms pulled her away, heading for the Starlight Mansion.

Keeping up appearances, Jem waved to enthusiastic fans for miles as they crossed the city, smiling so much that Jerrica's face, under the hologram, began to hurt. They were half way home before Jem was able to sit back. "Kimber, can you drop me at Starlight Music?"

Her sister frowned. "You've not seriously thinking about working after all that, are you? You didn't get hardly any sleep last night!"

"And Lindsay didn't exactly pull her punches," added Aja.

"I can't afford not to if we want to be able to beat the Misfits. Now that the record is on the charts, we've got to keep the momentum going."

"The record will sell, Jem," Shana offered with a smile. "As much because of our new look as because of the sound. You working through the day isn't going to make people want to buy it any more than they already do."

"There's interviews to arrange beyond Lindsay Pierce and Jerrica needs to make an appearance in a couple of board meetings," shaking her head, Jem was insistent. "Starlight Music doesn't run itself; I can't afford to skip out today."

"You can't afford to let yourself sleep you mean," Kimber shot a glare at her sister behind the Jem disguise. "Sometimes I wish you'd listen to me."

"Kimber is right, Jem," Synergy's voice came through the earrings, catching all of their attention. "After the events of last evening, working without rest will solve nothing and raises the possibility of endangering your charade. I would advise against returning to work before you have had an ample opportunity to recover."

"Events of last night?"

"Recover?"

"Jem - what does she mean?"

"_Nothing_," Jem stressed, hoping Synergy would get the hint; she wasn't ready to talk about the night before with anyone, especially her sisters, "important happened and I'm not changing my mind. Drop me at Starlight Music, Kimber; please."

The girls exchanged looks - she didn't need to see them to know it, before Kimber sighed and changed lanes, just barely catching the exit that would take them to the music headquarters. The rest of the trip, quick those it was, passed in an awkward kind of silence that was as unfamiliar as it was new and Jem, despite the knowledge that she was the cause, did nothing to try and break it.

* * *

Knowing Jerrica and the girls were doing the interview on the Lindsay Pierce show and were likely to be gone for most of the day, Rio had stayed home from work. It gave him a chance to fix the small issues he'd been putting off for weeks and, when those were finished, chop some fire wood. The good old fashioned manual labor was a way to work off the energy that seemed to have hit him non-stop since the night before. Ever since he'd held Jerrica in his arms once more, felt her trembling; ever since been terrified he was about to lose her to a petty gang of thugs up to no good.

In his mind's eye he could still see the rough hands of the cretin who'd been holding her, dragging obscenely across her body and every primitive, primal instinct he had, had rebelled. Everything within him had screamed _mine_, the feeling having fueled his attacks and pushed him into the situation far sooner than was wise. It had made him reckless but powerful, taking chances that would have made him hesitate had his thoughts been any clearer.

He was lucky they both hadn't come away with serious injuries.

Still… he was brutally honest with himself and knew he'd do it again even if he had time to think about it. He couldn't stand the thought of Jerrica having been in the ruffian's arms with his hands on her body - of her being in danger; Jerrica was _his_ to protect. She always had been. She would, he was finally starting to realize as he swung his axe at the log before him and splitting it in half, always be.

The realization was as uplifting as it was despairing, leaving him no further ahead or behind than where he'd started.

Jerrica had still lied to him; she'd kept him in the dark about the most important part of her life; she'd actively gone out of her way to deceive him. She'd exhibited the behaviors he'd come to resent and despise most in people - and _knew _it! - all the while pretending to be above them. He felt as if she'd made a mockery of him, played him for a fool despite the good she'd done with the charade and yet...

And yet, in the face of losing her, it had all ceased to matter.

All that had mattered was getting her free; even his own safety hadn't mattered beyond the context of getting her away from the thug. The police had taken the men's descriptions - how many in the city could _possibly _have skulls tattooed on their heads - and bid them good night after ascertaining they were physically unharmed.

Rio had withdrawn, self preservation making it necessary. Everything he'd thought was important had shifted the night before, leaving his reaction to Jerrica's lies a mockery of what really mattered.

For all it had ceased to matter at the time, nothing had _really_ changed between them.

Rio set up another log, getting into a rhythm - set, swing, chop, set, swing, chop - as he considered what had happened _before_ she'd stormed off, determined to deliver the records before the deadline. Jerrica's accusation had stung; not because it was inaccurate, but because Rio knew he deserved it. Jerrica was Jem, but hearing it from her lips that he'd been unable to spend time with Jerrica without bringing Jem into the mix was kind of like being back handed with the bat he'd been wielding the night before.

Set, swing, chop.

While her own deception didn't trump his, Rio knew she had every right and more to be angry with him for his lack of sensitivity. He'd honestly believed at the time that she'd been just as excited to talk about her new headliner as he was after she'd _insisted_ he stay on as Jem's manager. Yet, after that initial excitement… Rio winced. The obsession should have waned and it hadn't. His behavior towards his long time girlfriend had been appalling; how had he ever thought she'd want to hear about another girl when they were alone together?

Set, swing, chop.

A mess.

His life was a mess.

He'd been hurt by the one person he'd implicitly trusted only to have it thrown in his face that he'd been doing the same thing to her for months. Only she'd been unable to say anything because of the deception that had caused his pain. Living that double life, trying to keep all the details, of which identity had seen or said what, straight was mind boggling.

Set, swing, chop.

_How does she do it? _

Rio shook his head, knowing he'd never understand just how Jerrica had coped with it. Even as he thought it, he remembered his own checkered past; the beatings, the gangs, the danger. He didn't know how he'd coped in his broken family, only that he'd done it because he had no other choice; he'd done it because he had to. Just like Jerrica who continued to do it because she had no other option open to her. If she failed to be Jem, Starlight Music failed and so did its charity.

Something she would never allow to happen; the reason she'd undoubtedly resurrected Jem.

_There has to be a middle ground here_, he found himself thinking unbidden as he swung the axe into the chopping block and began to collect the piles he'd made to stack near the house. _Middle ground._

It was a novel concept when he'd been unable to see beyond her inability to trust him before. Was he compromising his principles now that she'd basically thrown her duplicity back in his face with a charge of the same? He was a man and fallible; prone to weakness, but Rio had never considered himself weak. Jem had been a weakness; like some kind of a forbidden drug that was more alluring for the reason it was forbidden.

Only it hadn't been and that weakness, one his… one _Jerrica_ had been privy to on both sides, shamed him.

It was a surprising revelation in the wake of the last week's ups and downs; surprising he could still feel guilty for how he'd treated her _before_ he'd known of her deception. Jerrica had repeatedly and profusely made her apologies about not including him in her charade from the start. While he understood now that Jem was needed, Jerrica's lack of faith in him still stung but no more than his treatment of her over the last while had hurt her.

Completed with his chores, Rio took a moment to wipe down his face and chest with an old shirt before going to his kitchen to find something to drink. Water from the tap in a tall glass was drained absently as he stared out across his back yard.

_Two wrongs don't make a right_, he found himself thinking with a shake of his head. No matter how he'd hurt Jerrica, no matter how she'd hurt him and where they were presently, escalating the situation wasn't the solution. But what was? Rio absently refilled his glass, an ache in his chest that had nothing to do with his prior physical activities, and sipped it, one hand on the counter top.

For all he felt like the victim here, it had been over a week and a half since Jerrica's revelation and he'd come out from under the cloud that had initially settled upon him to realize that he wasn't blameless. He'd not made it easy for Jerrica to confide in him, hadn't even realized she needed to, and by fixating on her alter ego, he'd actually been making things _more_ difficult for her when he should have been doing the opposite. Of course, he hadn't _known_ he was making things worse because he'd been in the dark about her alter ego.

Round and round, the thoughts chased one another in his mind.

His actions; hers.

His omissions; her lies.

His hang ups; her responsibilities.

Sadly, as he stared out the window, the answer didn't magically appear. All he had were the facts of what he knew to be true. He knew that she'd consciously hurt him, wiling or unwilling wasn't the point; it was the fact that it had happened at all and getting past the lies she'd been telling since her father's death. The knowledge that she couldn't give him one good reason why he hadn't been trusted with her secret from the start probably hit him harder, in retrospect, than the secret itself.

Jerrica was Jem.

Jem did _so_ much good, he couldn't really fault her for becoming the kind of role model that children, _girls_ like the Starlight girls in particular, needed. How could he be angry about the repercussions and implications of her lies when he wasn't angry about the lie itself anymore? Rio wasn't exactly sure how it was possible, just that it was.

It was his shared history with Jerrica and his revelations over the last few days of his own feelings that tipped the scales. He loved her; he would probably _always_ love her despite what she'd done. Rio wondered if there was a way to reconcile the deep, abiding feel of betrayal with the nearly crippling fear seeing Jerrica in danger the previous evening had uncovered.

Not that the thought of her in danger putting him into cold sweats was anything new, but the reminder had been timely. His heart wanted his girl back, but his head wasn't able to trust _her_ after she'd so blatantly misused it. _Pride goeth before the fall_, he shook his head at the rueful thought. Was it his pride standing in the way of being able to forgive Jerrica? Or was it something else? His unwillingness to compromise the ethics he valued so highly because they'd _always been_ compromised by those closest to him?

The thought made him shudder; Jerrica and her family had always been above the petty games and nonsense… except the one time she'd tried to make him jealous with Eric. His experiences had made him older than her in so many ways that he'd been unwilling to tolerate the game. Jerrica and he had discussed it after the fact when she'd given him her apology, and he'd made it very clear at the time he couldn't abide that kind of lie; worse, she'd agreed with him, _promising_ to never do so again.

Which made this all the harder.

She'd promised not to lie to him, to try and play him for the fool, and yet - when it came right down to it - she'd done exactly that.

Rio placed his glass in the sink and headed for the stairs, exhaustion suddenly settling about his shoulders like a heavy, wet blanket. He couldn't see a way out of this beyond compromising his principles but if he did that, where did that leave him personally?

Falling into bed and throwing one arm across his eyes, he heaved a sigh. He didn't know. All he knew was that being at odds with Jerrica was slowly killing him and he needed to come to some kind of a decision. He just wasn't sure what that would be.


End file.
